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A big hug to you guys (and a suggestion)

by Flanker

Since Afternoon, been reading every single story which has been posted here in the last 5 days, resisted the urge to reply everytime. What moral authority did I have anyway, since I was too one of those who’d go to any limits to get rid of the pain. But we choose that only when we are alone, not when someone tells us that they do care. Which is what made me feel better, irrespective of them being total strangers, who haven’t invested shit in you, they still hear you out, offer advice to cope up with whatever you’re suffering from, keeping aside their own painful memories for a moment. There are times, when you just need to know that someone cares! I wanted to for me, even if I said otherwise in my own story. Maybe I just didn’t know.

And so, I’ve decided to give life a shot. It’s not like everything’s happy all of a sudden. Stepped out of my room after 4 days, I may be feeling the same shit once I’m in bed, I could always go for peace if this doesn’t work out. But at least, I won’t be feeling any guilt of not trying hard enough. Even if it means we’ve already been trying hard enough to cope, but you never know how much the limits could be pushed. Most of you wouldn’t believe in God, would you? (Well, if you do, please refrain from reading the next line.) Let us just assume he does exist. Just so we can say he can fuck himself. Show him, we do not fucking care how much miserable he’s gonna make our life, we’ll win regardless of whatever he chooses to do with us.

That said, I literally want to help. Can I just suggest something weird here? Can we not have a separate interaction forum category here? I was getting the peace thoughts back in my head once I went to bed for sometime, received an email from a friend who had mailed me a couple of memes, obviously not aware of my mental agony. But it did help, even if a tiny bit, but it did. Which is why I’m suggesting for a separate forum category. (If there exists one, very sorry, couldn’t locate it) You could talk about your interests, jokes, crazy stuff, anything that’s going to make your heart feel light after sharing it with people who’d understand you. It’d just let you know, you’re not alone man. (I need that category for myself as well)

Thanks for reading, if you have.

And I’m here if anyone needs anybody to talk to. I’d actually be happy if someone talked to me rather!

PS. Why can’t you just give the guy a Nobel Prize who created this forum? Love you man.


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iamzero 8/7/2014 - 7:46 pm

Done, I’m sure I’m not alone in appreciating your good will. And kudos to you for feeling better, even if for a moment. I hope it lasts indefinitely. I also like your idea of a space to share safely. I guess some would argue that’s what this place is. I’ve been on other forums, though this is my first time actively participating. It strikes me as characteristic of our species that no matter how much we have in common (gardeners, farmers, muscle car enthusiasts, amateur poets…whatever), it’s just never enough to keep us from eventually tearing each other down. And the people who suffer the most are the biggest rejects (I’m not trying to be mean). They’re alienated out there, and then twisting the knife, in here, too, where it’s supposed to be safe for them. It’s like were just an aggressive animal, physically, economically, emotionally (unless we want something from someone else and think we can get it).

I’m not shooting down your idea. I like it. I’ve been looking for that place for 6 years. I don’t know where it is. If you find it very soon, please let me know.

Thanks for the encouragement.

done12354 8/7/2014 - 8:07 pm

Couldn’t agree more. But then let’s create one! I searched every area of this forum, there’s one Poetry & Art, but the content is depressing obviously.

You know, when you can relate to somebody, who shares the same interests as you, or suffering the same problem as you, you actually do not feel alone or alienated. Almost everyone on this site is suffering, but they’re still supporting each other in one way or the other, which is enough evidence that they do wish them to be well.

And yes, this is supposed to be a place where you can share anything, and people do give such excellent moral support. I just wonder why not do it in a more entertaining, fun way, so one actually does forget about his/her pain, even for a moment. Just a different category on this forum that lets you be who you are, instead of worrying about how are you treated actually by some bastards in RL.

Hope you’re well too mate! Thanks for the reply.

iamzero 8/7/2014 - 8:48 pm

If you create such a space, Done, lemme know. I’ll participate. Maybe some of us (i.e. me) are just too far gone for others to feel good around in such a space. But I’d give it a shot.

Peace, man.

done12354 8/7/2014 - 9:04 pm

What, I can do that on this forum? I mean, won’t we need the moderator/owner to create the space? Ofc I’m going to make every effort to create a place like the one I mentioned.

alum 8/7/2014 - 9:39 pm

I think this is a great idea, I don’t always want to rehash the details of my life and sometimes we just need something lighthearted. As iamzero stated, even for a site purported as safe, “it’s just never enough to keep us from eventually tearing each other down” and I guess deep down this is my concern. I try and limit my conversation and be thoughtful but sometimes I see some posts that make me want to resign from the human race. If it wasn’t for the few that are just amazing and awesome, I probably wouldn’t be here. I often feel the same when browsing stories, that I have no right to really say anything since I’m not really in any better position. I think it might be wise to separate these types of posts anyway. This wouldn’t be the first time someone has expressed anger at people who, to them, have not had it as rough as others. Which is interesting to me, since they want validation but then proceed to tear everyone else’s feelings down. Sorry the last bit may be a bit personal haha. I’ve been through a lot and while I don’t feel like sharing the horrors of my life with others, I don’t want to be bashed for the life I’m living now if that makes any sense.

done12354 8/7/2014 - 9:51 pm

Exactly my thoughts. Sometimes, it gets really depressing, isn’t it? Even for someone who’d normally feel better, reading such posts COULD make his things go back to exactly where he started from. And it’s vital we take off our mind of anything that is causing us pain, this is how I’m trying to cope up actually.

So let’s create one happy place then! Since I’m new to this, can we ourselves create a separate forum category, or are their any mods who’d do it? We could always create a new forum, but then, I think it’d be a lot better if that happy space existed within the boundary of this site only where the ‘lost ones’ could benefit the most.

alum 8/7/2014 - 10:00 pm

From what I’ve heard, the mods don’t typically regulate the site but I’m sure you could reach out to them as I’m not sure of the logistics. And let me know if you need any additional support to get it started. I believe it would be nice to have the duality, without having to switch between forums. Because there are times when I need to just vent about the injustice in life but it’s nice not to have to wallow in it. I do agree that sometimes, it’s easy to read posts and instantly sink back into despair. Also, welcome! Very nice to meet you.

iamzero 8/7/2014 - 10:21 pm

Alum, I feel that way a lot, too. I just see people who’re supposed to also be suicidal, who’re also supposed to be hurting, who should be able to empathize, become the same hurtful people that drive so many of us to suicide in the first place. It’s like we can’t escape competition, pride, and aggression as humans–they’re down there in each of us, just waiting to escape.

iamzero 8/7/2014 - 10:28 pm

Done, when all’s said and done, you may be right about the need for a “happy space.” I thought that’s what most of the popular Internet was for–since everything I see everywhere else is about sex and jokes–feel-good stuff. I wonder if a lot of us, people like me?, just can’t relate to feel-good anymore. But the last time I talked to my closest friend he told me he was sick of feeling sad and that it was “our” time to go out there and “get ours.” Well, I tried to tell him why I thought that would work for him but not for everybody. And that was the last I ever heard from him. I think he got too sick of being reminded of the pain, so he chose, in the words of an online clinical psychologist (from his blog), “to be around people who make [him] smile.” I guess that’s why people abandon each other–spouses, friends, family, the elderly, the sick… We just need to be around others who make us smile.

What’s that saying? “Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone.” F*ck, that’s true. So you’re probably right. And you’d weed out the super-weirdos like me, the people too down in the dumps to contribute, so the people left would have a better chance at helping each other.

Good luck, man.

done12354 8/8/2014 - 2:08 am

” And you’d weed out the super-weirdos like me, the people too down in the dumps to contribute, so the people left would have a better chance at helping each other.”

I don’t understand this, are you saying you’re not gonna be over there?

blxrry 8/8/2014 - 1:37 am

I think a lot of us need something like this.

done12354 8/8/2014 - 2:14 am

I’d imagine so, yes.

Do you know who’s the moderator around here? I’m not able to locate him despite my best efforts. We may have to create an off-site forum in case we cannot find him out, I really want to start this ASAP, can’t risk if tomorrow I’m to turn suicidal myself.

done12354 8/8/2014 - 3:02 am

Okay, so I e-mailed the admin, according to the given email address in FAQ/Help. Let us see how he responds.

seppuku 8/8/2014 - 3:31 am

Good idea Done. I hope you’re successful. I think I read and responded to a post by you where you said you didn’t want advice or support…(sorry if I’m thinking of someone else), and now you appreciate the peeps here who show they care and are willing to listen. This is a definite step forward for you, as I see it, and I’m heartened you now feel this way. A fun forum would be so nice. There are chatrooms which were originally loosely connected to this place, but I’ve come to the conclusion I don’t really like chatrooms, as most of the stuff people post is really banal and boring, and cliques have a tendency to form.

done12354 8/8/2014 - 4:07 am

Ha, well yes, that was me. Hurt from M’s and C’s (well, they’re one anyway) death and betrayal. It may sound stupid, but I just did what I used to do in my childhood at nights. I imagined my pillow to be her, and hugged it tightly. Always gonna love her, no matter what. It helped me eliminate the negative memories and my questions. We sometimes do underestimate the power of love, don’t we? Good for me I overcame it, or at least, for the moment.

And I’d be happy to see if people here could just find one person they could hug, it’d help them so much. If not, we could always be there for them. Actually, I intend for people to contact each other beyond this forum, in person, whoever they feel safe with. It’d be so much help for them.

Also, I want to applaud of what you’re doing, I’m seeing you reply in almost every other topic today, lending support to others. Just want to say, you’re doing a great job. Hope you’re healthy and well!

Durmmy 8/8/2014 - 3:43 am

It sounds like a good idea to make a happy forum, but let’s be honest, this is a site about suicide. People come here because we like that we can vent our dark thoughts and impulses without feeling like we have to be the cheerful guy in the room. A lot of people on here don’t like being reminded that others are happy and we’re not, no matter how hard we try to be. Its a comfort that people can find others who are feeling like they do. I believe that’s the whole purpose of this site. To provide a safe place where people don’t feel like they have to put on the fake smile. Like I said, while it sounds like a good idea, they have other sites for funny memes, or posting jokes. Let this site be what its supposed to be. While its dark and raw sometimes (a lot of the time) that’s what its intended for. There aren’t many sites like this one, so lets leave a haven for those that need to vent those thoughts, and let them feel comfortable doing so. I know I don’t speak for everyone, but its just my thoughts on this.

done12354 8/8/2014 - 3:57 am

Durmmy, I very well understand your concern. And I do not intend to take away, as some would say, the only ‘safe’ place in their lives. Well, it was for me for some time lately. Which is why I was proposing for a ‘separate’ forum category, which won’t mess with the general or any other topics’ posts. You don’t have to visit the category, if you don’t want to. You can always share whatever bad is happening with you, your story that’s making you nuts.

But trust me, the primary reason I’m feeling better, is that one of my friends mailed me around 15-20 memes, and for the first time in 5-6 days, I had something which didn’t cause me any pain, it made me feel better. And I just want to help that way.

And I’m hoping that the place I want to create won’t be restricted to only funny jokes or memes. It lets you to be who you are, talk your interests, hobbies, anything you would want to tell with a light heart. How are you celebrating your birthday, or some festival in your area, absolutely anything that could actually take your mind off of pain, even for a moment. On top of it, I do hope when people connect with others, it is actually going to help them.

With the current system, all we can offer is ‘I’m here for you if you need me’ but does the person actually contact you? Sometimes, all you need is just a personal touch, that there is somebody who cares about you. You could go beyond the forum and contact him/her in person. Not everyone would want that, I’m sure. But it’d certainly help some, I know it’ll help me. And I’m not forcing you to join, or contribute. You could just check it out when it’s done, and always leave if you find nothing interesting. But at least, give it a shot. That’s all I’m asking for here. 🙂

Durmmy 8/8/2014 - 4:16 am

done12354-Like I said, I understand your reasoning behind this, and I guess what makes me disagree with this isn’t that I wouldn’t enjoy that, I probably would. Its the bigger picture that I look at. Lets take this site and put it into a real world setting. A party for example. You have a group of people that congregate to talk about all the bad stuff in their life, and by doing so, they feel as if they are part of a group of people who feel likewise, and because they all are doing so they feel comfortable enough to be honest about it. This draws others in that are like minded. I believe from your first post I saw that you were the same, googling something and found this site. Now lets say that part of those people in that group start talking about all the light hearted things as you are suggesting. Now all of a sudden there’s a splinter in the group. Those that are there to talk about the bad stuff…well realistically they would start to feel like those that are being “happy” won’t really want to hear their stories. There are more than enough posts here about people feeling like no one wants to listen to them to validate that point. So they start to shut up. It breeds the idea that they too should then start posting happy stuff, and they start to feel the same pressures that they feel when interacting with others in their daily lives. They don’t want to be the “downer”. The problem with just making it a separate forum is that the site doesn’t automatically assign it to the correct category. The author has to do that, and there would be a lot of that showing up on the general category because that’s the default. That would be my main concern. Again, just my opinion, but if I wanted light and happy, I’d dust off my Facebook account. But in my case, the reason why I stopped using Facebook is because I didn’t want to see that anymore. I’m not saying people shouldn’t be happy by any means, I just think sometimes you need a place for the darkness without competition from the things most of us are trying to escape. To many on here, being happy is fake, and until they can work through the inner demons they want to be free to vent with no undue pressure to fit in. Hope that makes sense, I know its kind of long.

Durmmy 8/8/2014 - 4:18 am

Also, I’m glad you found something that brought some happiness back to you. I wish I could do the same myself.

done12354 8/8/2014 - 4:54 am

Some very valid arguments there, and I just have a couple of points I’d like to clear on.

Firstly, it is not supposed to be a place where you find ‘happiness’. Ofc, I and a lot others would really be glad if you or anyone who has Googled the horrible worlds and has landed here could do that, but the primary purpose it shall serve is to take your mind off from anything that’s causing you pain. Feeling happiness and not feeling any pain are two different phenomenon, aren’t they?

Also, I very well understand your concern of the ‘lost ones’ being alienated if people stop engaging with them as actively as they do now. Trust me, not gonna happen. Take me for example. Yesterday, I was whining about being alive and today, I’m actually trying to help others. Why? Cause I’ve somehow been able to take my mind off the pain, and when I see others suffering the same, all I want is just to help them, cause I’ve been there and I know it feels so horrible.

Anyway, not that I’m happy, but I’ve managed to get my mind off the pain to a little extent that I see some hope. And I hope the same for you and everyone on here too!

Durmmy 8/8/2014 - 5:23 am

Those are worthwhile endeavors, I hope people can take a page from that book, and find things that alleviate what they are feeling as you have. That’s one of the reasons I like this site. I try to offer advice when I can, or be supportive to those who need it.

You’re right, happiness and not feeling pain are two different animals. Or more specifically probably two breeds of the same species. In context, happy people probably won’t give this site more than a glance, if at all, and then only out of morbid curiosity. Those feeling no pain in the first place would probably pass it by on the same principle. I do think most people that find this site do have some real issues that they want to share, or just express their feelings. There are some who eventually find that balance in their life that they may no longer feel the need to frequent a site like this. Then there are others that don’t find that, and I guess those are the ones I think benefit most from a site like this. The ones who need to get it out, and hear that they aren’t alone.

For some of people I’ve talked to one this site, and some I haven’t talked to, they have so much psychological scarring that they don’t get past it, even to the point of hope.
As well as there being the ones that just don’t feel anything inside. Its nice to take the mask off, and show the world our ugly, wounded, beautiful true faces.

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