I am a whore. Or at least I used to be. I can’t forgive myself for my past. My wife has a past of her but she doesn’t give a shit. We are shameful people. We gave ourselves away and now there’s nothing left. I tried God. Called out to him many times but never heard anything in return. I’m not depressed or anything. I’m just tired of trying and failing. But I don’t even have the guts to kill myself so I just live as a tortured soul. I’m miserable. I need to get it over with.
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I promise you I am asking this sincerely and without judgment.
What is a whore? What is shameful? Are you sure you are not just human? You are giving these words a lot of power. Can you define their meaning in terms of your life?
In what way are you a whore?
Everyone is a whore, depending on how you define it. All driven by motivation of our addictions, money, drugs, happiness, lust, it’s all the same.
God is a concept designed to distract people from life’s inherent meaninglessness. For some people, that distraction brings comfort and shelters them from fear of the knowledge that they will one day die, and nothing comes after, just as nothing came before they existed. It provides the illusion that their lives are meaningful and that their efforts will have a significant impact on the universe. In reality, they will not.
No human has ever accomplished anything that will not be stardust in a few billion years.
However, this is no reason to despair. In fact, it’s very liberating. Stop trying so hard and realise that nothing you do in life is wrong. Your perception brings whatever meaning you want to create for yourself and that is good enough.
Well-said, Engie!
I would say the same, what is a whore? Someone who sells themselves? People do that every day in so many ways, especially on Wall Street. The one thing that gives meaning to my life is love and caring about others, and the animal companions living with me–two cats, one dog. Being kind to others and being kind and understanding to my neighbors brings me comfort and peace.
We all sell something of ourselves to survive. When we give, our hearts are nourished.
BTW, I’m an agnostic, not a God person.
I am an addict and I’ve never prostituted but many friends have, I’ve done many things I’ve regretted. And I feel like the biggest fucken failure. I have too reached out to god and everything just gets worse. Cause I’ve been at points when nothing is left and I’m at that point nothing could be worse. And I reach out and when do things change. I’m too shame based. I guess for me at least someone else feels like this. I’m imagining just ending it all !!! I’m sick of it but like you it takes guts. And I feel like I don’t have enough but maybe I do who knows. When the pain of life gets too great ! So I hear you I m there in a different part of the world going through the same stuff in a different way. Weighed down by unhappiness and life’s circumstances !!
There are few things worse than the “if only I could go back and change that” game. I feel your pain.