help

been trying to die since I was three, I tried to hang myself by a rope on a swing set. my entire life has been depressing. I knew happiness for a short time but that person gave up on me and left. every time I’ve overdosed, someone always found me. now that I am stuck living alone, no one should find me right away, but I don’t have the access to those prescription pills anymore. I want to try asphyxiation or strangling but having trouble figuring out how to tie these knots. also don’t rope but have scarfs, belts, shoelaces, bed sheets clothes…help