I feel like I’m literally the worst person in the world. I look at myself each day in the mirror and resist the urge to punch my reflection into a bunch of tiny pieces. Nobody really cares about me. I guess I don’t really care about them, either. But that’s not true, because if I didn’t give a damn about anyone, I’d be dead right now. I’d be able to do this, and never have to worry about anything ever again.
I’m mean to others. I told my ex-Boyfriend that I hoped his mother, who is suffering from cancer, would die an agonizing death from it. I’m mean because I can’t accept who I am as a person. So I say stupid shit all the time, and say things to people that make them wish I were dead. That way, I don’t have to make new friends only to leave them in suicide. All of my current ‘friends’ are quickly becoming fed up with me and are leaving. The thing is, they don’t even tell me they’re leaving. Just, *whoosh!*, gone! I have to find out on my own that I’ve been deleted and blocked from everything related to them.
I hate myself. I hate myself more than anything or anyone I know. But I’m stuck with myself, I have to deal with me constantly. Others can do their disappearing act in the middle of the night like the scared little bitches they are and be done with me. I can’t do that, obviously. I guess suicide would be my way of telling myself that I’ve had enough of my shit, that even I can’t stand what I’ve become in life.
12 comments
No one has anything to say about how much of an awful person I am? You’re all worse than me anyway!
There are some members of this site who seek out people like you and try their very best to help them, they can empathise and they are self-less and they are great.
That’s not me though, but I do know how much it means to know that what you are trying to say and trying to express isn’t simply being lost in the wind, dissipated into thin air.
If you want to know my opinion on your situation, I will happily share it but given your current state I doubt my words could penetrate the force-field that you have created for yourself. Just let me know.
You say you’re mean because you can’t accept who you are. So tell us who you are and what’s so wrong with it?
I wouldn’t know where to begin.
Re: you being an awful person.
You could change. You can’t take back the past, but you could try to do better in the future, you could apologise to the people you’ve hurt, you could try to get help. *Could*. These things are all possible, and I hope you choose to try.
I agree with burn.
you seem to know what you’re doing wrong and why but you’re not trying to make a change.
People are here to help you in any way they can but you have to actually want the help.
I’d rather just kill myself and be done with everything.
That’s your choice but you’re here for a reason so I suspect some part of you does want help…
If you choose to stay and live you really need to be more coopertive and stop posting rude comments to other people. You are not the only one suffering.
Okay, I’m sorry. <3
It’s fine. Just be careful about that temper of yours and, when you’re ready, try to gather your thoughts and describe who or what you think you are that you don’t like so we can help you through it. No rush. We will be here when you need us.
I used to hate myself too. I didn’t care about anything, and certainly, nobody cared about me. But then I started seeking out new circles of association, instead of the same old, same old. I’ve never had a boyfriend, because I’m a prisoner in my own body. I don’t like to be touched, but I would like to be loved. I have many friends now that help me get through all the hard times, but I alos know that nothing is ever easy. I’m cry eveytime I’ve worked out, but not lost weight. But I’d be dammned before I just give up and die alone, and uhappy. I crave to get to feel how it’s like to be happy. I need to know, before I move on to the great beyond.
I’d rather just kill myself too, but what if all my hard effort turns out for the better in the end? What if I really did swallow those pills, and then my future husband, children and grandchildren would never get to meet me or exist?
What if… What if… What if…
I for one, refuse to let go without fighting back. I refuse to be remembered as the girl who gave up and whom everybody want’s tp pity after her death. I refuse to give who ever the fuck are running things up there, the satisfaction of watching me suffer, cry and at last; give up.
Oi, shut up. You’re not the worst person in the world. That position is taken by yours truly. But if you ever want a friend to talk to, I’m here.