i feel like i have been through so much

i swear i have been through so much in my 21 years of age, any other person would’ve killed themselves.. im not there yet. but there isn’t a time that i don’t think about it. im at the point where its so hard for me to hold anything in. i just wanna cry and get away from everyone. everyone always ends up hurting me anyways. lol. im just looking for love.. Arent we all tho? isnt that the only thing that kills us. we all crave it and need it. and every time i find it, it turns to shit. its like every time its all the same. why dont i learn already?