my real name is Mark, but I prefer to be called Maciee. I came on here to find advice and possibly a way past this time.
it started when I was 7 or 8, wanting to be dressed up as a girl and to wear makeup, to be beautiful and comfortable in the pink and frills instead of the disgusting monster truck t-shirts and baseball caps. my mom died before i turned 5, but i know if she was still here she would have supported me now. i’m 12 years old, (soon to be 13 in a week counting today!). I live with my dad and his wife, no sisters or brothers to talk to either. i told my dad that i wanted to go by Maciee, he was my bestfriend and i thought my dad would understand. he yelled at me and screamed he didn’t raise a ******. i have no friends at school that accept me and ive tried to be the son he wants but in truth i want to be the daughter he’s never had. normally on my birthday he gives me around 50$ and I get money from my other family members so i end up with about 170$ but this year i’ll get none of it. he told all of my family members that i was a sick ****** and that i didnt deserve birthday money but this year was the first year i was going to express my true feelings. i had already picked out outfits and makeup and wigs online that i wanted to buy to finally become what i feel like inside. a girl. i was going to be Maciee. and now he’s taken that chance away from me. school is starting and i wanted to start the year off as the true me. i cant continue to live as a boy.
32 comments
Alright, you are wired to be a female. I don’t see an issue with that. You dad on the other other hand, this must be a discussion he had never planned on having and is totally beside himself. He is more considered about what others will think of him, then the attention he should be giving you. Unfortunately I doubt this will ever change. People like to make fun of others that are not like themselves, . This mentally usually never changes. So, I guess you should continue to be you and learn to be confident and at peace with yourself. As you have a great journey of life ahead that will cross paths with many individuals that will tear at you.
Thanks I’m trying c’:
Be strong, Maciee. Be strong.
Don’t ever give up. Never.
It’s not going to be easy. And this world can be cruel. But you shall find your happiness.
Dark days, months, years. It all matters not.
You WILL find your happiness if you never give up.
It’s hard not to give up sometimes
Parker off Insidious Chapter Two 🙂 ( but you’re not being forced)
Watch that movie, crap whats it called, with thora birch. About the teenage boy whos father was abusive and it turned out to be a cover for the fact that he was gay?
Im not saying your father is, I just think it couhd bring you some comfort and a possible new view of your father – his reaction speaks of and to him, and nothing more. It has nothing to do with you.
There is nothing wrong with you. At your age it is difficult though. It will be difficult. But you can make it through and out, and when you look back it will seem like no time at all.
I see you have two options at present. Which one is up to you (and no suicide for your father having mental problems is not one of them).
1) Lie to your father until you get a little older. But make sure you dont get lost, this can be dangerous. If you can go online without detection, you can make a blog, diary, meet others to support you (others who feel like you, etc). Create your own world in secret and bide your time.
2) Fight. This will be hard, but if you cannot lie, you must stand up and stand up tall. This will rquire grace, integrity, forgiveness, honesty. But you WILL need support. This way will be hard, and you will need people you can turn to to encourage you, be role models, and friends.
Think hard, and choose. And remember neither choice is wrong.
I support you 🙂 Theres a great big world out there waiting for you, as you are and as God intended you to be. Macie. Unfortunately your father may not be a part of that world. Think of him as a child you need to deal with, and figure out the best way to do so.
Good luck
American Beauty
Yes thats it.
I choose to fight but I don’t have the strength
You dont have to right this very moment. If that is your choice, but you feel worn down, limit conflicts temporarily, build your support network (sooo impt here), and then let it all out.
BTW- are you in a bigger city or a rural one? Is your home/school a possible refuge? Just curious. It could make a huge difference.
Isabella
For example, I grew up in Dallas. And even in high school in the 80s, you would have blended into my high school easily and had many friends available to make and to support you.
If you are in a smaller city, a concervative city, etc, you may need to expand your search for those that will be there for you.
I live in a small town in Georgia. Not really open to someone like me..
I’m Transgender, too. You quickly know who your friends are when you come out. I lost my mom, and my dad treats me like an alien whenever I’m around him. But there are others who love me no matter what. Hopefully you find your friends, and are able to keep those who are bigoted at a distance. <3
Thank you c:
This is a tough situation you’re in.
Parents often think of their children as miniature versions of themselves. Your dad probably does care about you, but he likely views you as a replication of himself, and since he identifies as a male in a male’s body he simply cannot understand how you can identify as a female in a male’s body.
You are who you are regardless of whether or not other people understand or approve. You can’t help but be you. I suspect that your life will only get worse as you go through high school. (I’m just being honest).
Your life can definitely get better though once you graduate and leave your hometown. Put distance between yourself and the people who don’t accept you. There’s a big world out there with all sorts of diversity, you just need to get through this time period (which will feel like forever) then get the hell out of Dodge. Being open and honest with people who will never get it is an exercise in futility. You just gotta live your life and forget about the haters. You won’t be able to do that though until you’re self sufficient.
Hang in there, Maciee. Good luck and Happy Birthday.
Thank you so much and for the birthday wish(:
Thank you every one for the kind words and I choose to fight I don’t want to hide what I am I thought he would understand but oh well I just wish it didn’t make me feel so unnecessary I want to fight in the body I feel like I’m in and without that I feel weak I tried to talk to him again and he stopped my allowance and said he won’t put his money into aiding a fag I don’t know what to say to him to make him understand I just wanna be happy
Happy birthday.
Thank you ^~^
He will never change and im sorry that he wont accept you for who you are. He is mean, and his name calling is wrong he shouldn’t do that
I have been 13 for two mouths now and I was born a girl but have dressed and acted like a boy for 7 years my mom kicked me out of the house for it and I am in foster care now because of my dad I have never posted anything about my past before I hide it all but I get that feeling of desperation you just what to be you you would do anything just to be you
Btw if it makes any difference my real name is emma
Oh also, if you do by chance want to move, your yearly psych eval is another opportunity to express any grievances. What gets put into your report becomes law and if your psych. evaluator deems you should move, well by heaven and earth you shall be. I got tips if you need.
Just an offer, again I dont know your situation or your current comfort level where you are. But you have power you may not realize. Use it.
Thank you for understanding and I hope you can go on living in the right body unsupportive parents are just milestones I guess
Yup they are
If you ever what to talk you can email me
I am sorry that your parents didn’t accept you for who you are
Im so sorry jake 🙁
I hope you are in a good, supportive home.
If not, you should complain like hell and get moved until you find a foster home that feels like home 🙂
Thoughts are with you.
Not so much how foster care works but ok
What state are you in?
Idk, but here in TX you can complain and get moved. Its not like, hey i wanna move, more like, stand up for your needs wants, complain, hell get creative. It happens all the time.
Of course you may be happy where you are in which case this is all mute. But yes, you can raise hell with your foster parents, your case worker, your counselor, etc, and I promise, unless you are in a state run vastly different than TX, you will be moved.
I fucking promise you that. Trust me, I know the system. Ask your foster siblings too what tricks theyve learned.
This isnt the place to “play by the rules” if you are not happy. Unfortunately.
Oh and happy birthday 🙂
Thank you ^^