Lately, I’ve found myself feeling more lonely than before but I really can’t complain. My eyes have been opened to many different observations. Right now, I’d just like to rant about one in particular. I can post a blog on here, and usually I get about 5-10 comments of support or people asking questions, etc. Point being, someone will reply. Maybe not right away, but someone will take the time to make an effort. I greatly appreciate it.
However, most people in real life have friends or at least concerned aquaintences..right? Majority of people…So, over the course of the past week or two, I’ve been getting more and more tired of being lonely, sitting in my depressing ass apartment doing nothing. So, naturally, I started texting people, snapchatting, facebooking, tweeting, etc…pretty much any form of communication, I’ve tried. All of my so called “friends” seem to be able to receive messages but can’t send any back. I”m so glad that I work so hard to accommodate everyone into my life only to have doors slammed into my face. I wonder what will happen the next time a big crisis happens in their lives and I’m not around to give advice, calm them down, and help them get a handle on the situation…It’ll be a shit show and hopefully they take away the correct lesson.
If you’ve read any of my previous posts, this is not who I usually am. I’ll attest to that. But there comes a time, when you have to cut the dead weight from your life. If I’m going to get out of this slump, I need people around me who will support me and want to talk to me when things are going well as well as when things are going badly.
16 comments
I am going through the exact same thing. Everyone knows they can count on me and I only hear from them when they need something. I used to try and reach out and it made me feel worse due to the lack of results. I work alone, live alone, and have no family. If my “friends” do not engage with me I can go days without any human contact. Unless of course I go out on my own, which I actually do. Sometimes I am just dying to get out and be around people. Strangers seem receptive to me just not people that really know me I guess. I am sorry you are feeling this way and wish I could help. The type of friendship you offer should be valued more.
I had that for a period post high school, if you want friends go get them, if you want to have fun, go have fun. Putting your faith on the emotions and feelings of others is a grave mistake which will lead you to depressions.
It’s hard to find good friends because people are selfish. If they don’t profit from the friendship they will end it; if they don’t profit from helping you when you have problems they won’t help you. At least they are stupid enough to think they don’t profit from helping you since they don’t realize that you may help them in return when they have bad times.
Friends who support you because you’ll support them in return are alright. But better friends are those who support you out of selflessness and friendship; they’ll be happy if they can make you happy – no need for any other “profit”. These friends also often happen to have witnessed very bad times themselves (what a coincidence). Unfortunately these kind of friends are rare, because our society discourages selfless behavior.
It’s good to have at least one friend of the latter kind. It’s not bad to have lots of friends of the other kinds too, but you have to remember: You shouldn’t expect much from them. It’s also hard to distinguish between the different types; if you happen to trust the wrong people (which is the case with you from what I understood) you will only find out when it is already too late.
Another point you will have to think about is what kind of friend you personally are: Do you support others at all? If so, do you support them only because you know the time may come when you need their help in return? Or do you support them because you like seeing them happy, because you are a selfless person?
gosh it is really hard to find the latter type 🙁
They are usually the ones you’ll marry 😉
eek i don’t wanna get married. luckily i havent found the latter
Marriage is just a tradition. There are other ways a couple can declare love for each other. Also marrying someone doesn’t necessarily make the other person the kind of friend you would want to have; that’s why people divorce.
The 3 rings of marriage:
1) The engagement ring
2) The wedding ring
3) The suffer ring
Save your money – Lease, don’t buy. You’ll continue making payments on her after she’s gone, plus she’ll take half of everything you’ve earned.
Bad joke:
Q: What do marriages and tornados have in common?
A: Both start off with a lot of blowing and excitement, but by the time it’s over you just lose your house.
true i just meant it like no romantic relationships at all though. but yeah that is very true
C4 you just described most marriages nowadays. the joke isnt bad because its true
Only because there are many divorces the concept of marriage isn’t bad. It’s the opposite actually: A marriage is a good thing, but the selfishness of the partners (and people in general) ruins it. Marrying someone means you would give everything for him/ her (at least that is how it’s supposed to be). If you are stupid enough to marry an egoist, you will obviously have to give away everything you have. If you marry a selfless person though you will still devote your life to him/ her, but you will get back even more.
Marriages of 2 selfless persons are usually good marriages that last a lifetime. Marriages of 1 selfless and 1 selfish person aren’t very good marriages, but they usually last long anyways (people can change btw, the selfish person may come to realize that it’s better to be selfless, or the selfless person may be influenced by the selfish one to become and egoist as well). Marriages of 2 selfish persons are usually bad marriages AND they don’t last long.
I have a friend, a horrifyingly dysfunctional family life and a past which makes it near impossible to relate to “normal folk,” since they all have happy stories about their past, their families, and their lives have some semblance of order and cohesion which I can only look at from the outside in brief glimpses during everyday gossip and banter between the people around me. But I can’t tell people about my life – that would turn me into an oddity, or (best case scenario) an object of pity and god only knows what.
So I have a friend. And I have a family I can’t stand, but at least I can talk to them without feeling too very weird for having them as a pox on my entire life.
But be that as it may, most people are not authentic – they don’t show you who they truly are. What they show you is a go-along-to-get-along appeasing smile, a happy demeanor, and maybe a sense of humor. But the things you tell them in confidence, or the things they see in you that they don’t like will turn into fodder for gossip between other normal folk who will return the favor endlessly, like falling dominoes. Humans are a strange breed. Have you ever had someone pass you some mean-spirited, hurtful gossip about someone else? That’s a sure sign they’ll talk the same way about you to other people.
Maybe everyone on earth is secretly lonely and trying to hide behind mindless repetition of the same hurtful things that made them secretly lonely in the first place. Maybe the answer isn’t to hide from it, but to confront it and to treat other people the way you would want to be treated – regardless of how they may or may not respond. In the end, you’re alone no matter how many people are around you, so why not embrace it for what it is and find a way to grow within those confines?
🙁 gossip is the devils radio (reference) i think you’re on to something there. but after all these many years i doubt all humans are going to change 🙁
Well, you can’t change all humans, nor can you sit around waiting for them to decide to change just because you know it’s what they should do – because it’s the right thing to do. But at least one human can and will change if they so desire, and that person is you. You’re the only person whose behavior should matter to you because you’re the only person whose behavior you can affect. Everybody’s alone – the opposite of that is a trick of the mind, to think some people, or even you are not alone is an illusion and not the reality of the human situation. It’s in no way a bad thing, though. And who knows, maybe you’ll find some people who are doing the same thing who will share that solitude. That’s all anyone can ask for.
thats so true. and maybe if you change yourself others will follow your lead 🙂
“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
Well, those people don’t persecute you and they are not technically your enemies, but that is pretty much what you are saying, right? Still, I find it astoundingly difficult to forgive some people who are responsible for so much suffering in the world. And it’s even harder to forgive those who harmed you personally; and forgiveness is the requirement for “treating other people the way you would want to be treated”. I guess that would be the highest mastery of selflessness.