I force myself to go out alone. It is a feeble attempt to pretend I have a life. Everyone always says go out meet people do your own thing. Blah Blah Blah. I do freaking everything alone what I miss is human companionship. So, I am out having a beer watching football. I am surrounded by groups of friends and families. I am jealous and sad. I look and wonder what it is they have I don’t that. I can’t be that bad, my therapist always said everyone deserves love as is. As is in the sense of big small issues or no issues. It’s not like we should have to try and overhaul ourselves. It is very clear from all the posts that every person here has something unique and valuable to offer. Such deep and introspective thoughts are shared here. Not everyone can do that. Maybe you have to be ignorant to have bliss. Take care all.
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I do the same… and think the same… for the same reasons 🙂
The irony is these people think I am watching the game all the while I am focused on SP
Yeah, A Shoe In, these people have no idea how lucky they are…I do stuff alone too, SP rocks, lol.
I feel the same way….
I am 42 years old and took a surfing lesson today. I am trying so hard not to give up. The more I do and the harder I try the worse I feel when the doors still don’t open. SP is my retreat, what we read here is harsh reality but I can identify with that.
All the things I do, I do alone, walking, sleeping, shopping, everywhere I go I see couples holding hands and sharing their time together, I used to sit on the bench in the park on a Sunday but again I see couples out enjoying the sun together, so depressing, now I stay in a lot and watch tv.
Exactly. I find myself refraining from things I could possibly enjoy because of how painful it is to be reminded of what I am missing. At home at the very least I am comfortable and can manage my “triggers” so to speak.
With autumn quickly approaching, I’m already starting to dread the threat of another winter alone. The solitary life is always lonely, but for me it becomes almost intolerable in the colder months.
I commend you, A Shoe In, for having the courage to go out alone and have a beer. At least you’re still trying, and if you’re still trying there’s a chance you could meet someone. Hope you enjoyed the surfing lesson. That sounds like fun.
Thank you so much for your kind words Bluebird. You are right winters are tough. It’s hard enough to go out on a good day let alone a foreboding miserable weather day. There are also so many holidays and it is allegedly the time that people are supposed to come together. I always hide out at home alone and lie when people ask me what I did for the holidays. I wish you all the best.
All the best to you, too.
I usually hide out at home alone on holidays, too. I hate it when “normal” people ask me about my holiday plans.
Loneliness can be devastating. In my 20’s when I first moved back to NYC,,, I experienced such severe loneliness.. I would cry, I felt so alone, in a city of 8 million people. Over the years I learned the issues, with me at least, went a lot deeper. Relationships served only to distract me a while. I could feel lonely in a crowded room. I could not break up with someone, even if I didnt really want to be with her.. (talk about stuck & needy!)
We need others,,, but but it’s also crucial to learn to be independent. Others rob us of our identity. Im sure you know,, people fall madly in love and a few years later cannot stand to be in the same room together, or have whole meals without ever exchanging so much as a word or a glance. Everything is a trade-off. Only once we have a good sense of self, and can feel good on our own, can we (possibly) share ourselves with others in a balanced and productive way. And even then,, it’s still a very iffy proposal, over the long run.
How to meet others,, just keep doing what you’re doing but let go of the expectations. Make fun your expectation. We cannot even make ourselves happy. How can we expect others to do it for us? It is a terrible burden to place on someone, especially someone you care about. Love is about selflessness yet we are inherently selfish.
As you probably know, it is easier to meet others doing fun activities together. But make that the goal. Make friendship the goal. Not getting rid of your pain. It just doesnt work but for a short time..at best.
So let go of the expectations. All of them. And remember that emotional neediness (insecurity, possessiveness) is frightening (and a big turn-off) to others with good reason. Just ask anyone who’s been stalked or had a controlling mate drive them insane.. how terrible that is. (after that you beg to be alone:)
Be passionate about the things you like, find things you enjoy. Immerse yourself in those…What you’re doing now is defining how your feel about yourself based on your perception of how what you think others feel about you. This can only lead to disappointment.. even if you have some fun pit stops along the way, -the satisfaction will not last. We have to be rock upon which our lives are built. We have to love ourselves and know ourselves well enough,, to then try and share life and love with someone else. At least that’s the idea.
If you can be a friend to someone.. it can mean a lot to both of you.. Try the ‘activities partners’ section of Craigslist, maybe. But focus on yourself while you’re alone. This is your time. At 42,, you’ve been around a while, take an honest look at underlying issues and step up. It has nothing to do with others. You need to be honest with yourself. If we project emotional insecurity and neediness bc that is what we feel, then that is what we have to look at. It is also what other will see. They will see it at a distance even..
No relationship will ‘fix’ that for us. Do your best to learn how to enjoy your own company and be self-sufficient. What you’re dealing with is central to the human condition, however it seems while at a bar alone feeling sorry for being alone.
And you know you’re loved and needed here. so stay positive.
You will meet someone when you least expect it.. I promise..So prepare yourself now by facing the reality, that we will always be alone and no one else can make us happy. They call it a honeymoon for a reason; it’s temporary.
best, m.