Someone else’s hands

I want to take my life but I am too scared to do it. I’m not scared of what happens after. That part seems more of a comfort than anything else. I am more afraid of the act, of the pain in whatever method I chose or the consequence of failure of the attempt. I’m afraid of ending up a vegetable or worse that the people closest to me actually see me and I have to look them in the eye to answer their questions.

I wish there were clinincs that we could go to. You just walk in, fill out some forms, pass an evaluation stating you are not crazy, maybe fill out an organ donor card and they just put you to sleep, crimate you, put you in an ern and deliver it to your next of kin.

Let it be someone else’s act, someone else pushing the needle in, someone else tying the noose. I would just show up and close my eyes.