It’s Sunday night, and as usual I’m stuck inside. No one trusts me to go out anymore and I always feel as though I’m on lock down. I’m bored. I don’t really want to play video games or watch movies, I have been doing nothing but that for the past month. Hoping some of you out there want to lighten up the mood, weekends are hard for me and apparently that’s not so uncommon. Especially since I know there are things I could be doing but can’t because it’s so hard to travel where I am without a car. I should have asked to get dropped off somewhere, like an event or something but my sister already left on her date so now I’m home alone as always. Just struggling with the heat… so let’s exchange some ideas, thoughts, music, ramblings. I feel so lonely and bored sometimes, I only talk to one person these days and that’s my sister. It’s like I’m not allowed outside to socialize with other people. Meanwhile boyfriend is out at the beach, having fun with all his friends. And here I am, trying to figure out ways to pay for college and put myself through school while he’s partying every day, and getting high as always. I feel like that girl from flavor of the week. And it’s hard seeing these girls I know, traveling to Paris and London on vacation and just getting tons of stuff and wearing so many nice things while having the time of their life. It’s like I don’t belong in their world, they will never have to struggle like I have. Even my boyfriend has a trust fund in his name.
Wow sorry for that weird ending, guess I’m just frustrated at life. I know I have to work harder than others to get somewhere. Anyway, back to trying to have a fun sunday night if anyone is down.
33 comments
TURN UP!! I can relate, although I generally enjoy staying away from my *friends*. I no longer have an interest to get drunk off my ass and sky high. So whatchu wanna talk about?
Tuurrnnn up for whattt?? xD Awh same. I always make an excuse not to drink because my body just rejects the very taste of it after I tried overdosing on a bunch of things and alcohol. Now I have a very real aversion to it haha. Lemme think, ok, what is your favorite thing?
My favorite thing, hmmm? Football probably. It’s like an addiction for me so when the season started tonight, well actually yesterday, it was like a drug addict sticking a needle in their vein for the first time in months. And you?
Horseback riding, I used to compete. It’s actually kind of funny because I feel like we have probably have crossed paths at some point in our lives but probably never spoken. Kind of interesting when I think about it, like maybe in the next life, when we are both cats you know?
Yeah, that’s something to ponder, just a random face on the side of the road, or in a speeding car, that if not for pin needle of an instant, could take you from staying complete strangers, to a budding relationship. It’s quite tantalizing. I also have somewhat of a belief in reincarnation, although it’s more of a hope than belief. Be able to have unlimited chances at changing your life for the better.
Alas, I feel like this life is the only one I’ve got, so either I try and make it work or just call it quits while I’m ahead. But yeah, I often think about that. Like small interactions that could change a person’s life completely. What was it like for you growing up?
Up until about six, things were somewhat normal. Then at nine everything unraveled like a poorly wrapped ball of twine. Had you seen me on the street, from around nine to fifteen years old you would’ve likely thought I was a random thug who would end up dead or in prison, which as of right now is nearing 100% completion.
It’s weird how we are born into these certain circumstances, it’s like a badly written story with no hero at the end. I never really did drugs, I only smoked a few times before deciding it was not for me. Again, I wish things were different :/
Exactly, alum, exactly. Anyways how was your childhood?
I was always kind of distraught as a child. Pretty melancholy I guess. I was pretty quiet as a kid and got teased a lot when I was younger. I did some modeling later on when I got older and went through some phases. I guess what hit me the most was losing my dad, never really got over it. I used to chase after older men because of it but they didn’t treat me like a person.
And the similarities continue. I’ve been in a few local films as an extra, sometimes playing a lead role. My dad was. no is, an abusive alcoholic who constantly cries wolf. I hate his guts, but he’s probably where a lot of my issues today come from.
Ouch, yeah I feel you on that, but more from my mother. How come you never pursued acting further?
I don’t know. Never broke the barrier.
It’s a tough industry to break into, but you seem to definitely have had the talent.
Thanks for keeping me company btw, I really appreciate it. I’m off to sleep now since I can’t stay up too late, keep in touch. And thanks again!
No problem, and you too.
Blimey mike, you sure started young! Hope you’re feeling a bit less bored and lonely alum…my word I know those feels.
Well, when you grow up in the neighborhood, in generally starts around nine or ten.
yay, join us for sunday funday seppuku! As my friend from the pysch ward use to say, it’s really the loneliness that gets to you.
Ok so (feel free to not answer if you don’t want), buuut if you do, what is your favorite thing? and how do you like your morning coffee?
I think lonelyplatypus just left us for good…
Don’t say that T_T
I don’t know, I can’t seem to comment and the post is pretty clear. I’m worried.
Not the first post ive seen where commenting was a no go…whats up with that anyways? 🙁
Hopefully platypus heaven treats him well..
It appears so, hopefully it was peaceful. LP will be dearly missed.
Well maybe there is some solace in that. You’re right, I hope it was peaceful and I should be happy that maybe they have a chance at leaving suffering behind.
I hope LP is OK…didn’t see his/her post. I like my morning coffee with soya milk. My favourite thing is food! Love it. I suppose life always has to go on…
LP’s post is still the most recent I believe. I’ve never been a big fan of coffee, or soy milk for that matter.
NNNNOOOO i hope LP isnt dead, or im going to be sad forever, but at the same time i wanted them to find peace
I can’t remember the last time I did anything with anyone on a Sunday. It’s usually just a grocery day for me, then sleep…
Although this Sunday was really nice. Best day in a long time really. Funny I say that considering I was perusing about suicide statistics and probabilities of success for several hours during the day but yeah, good day.
Sorry your day wasn’t going so well alum. I’m glad a couple people kept you company during it though. I had a friend texting me off and on throughout the day which was why my day was nice. Hopefully the SP crowd brightened yours much the same.
Thanks copelessness, I definitely appreciated the company. I haven’t seen you around recently so I’m happy to hear from you. But, of course, I’m happy for you if that means you’re having better days. Cheers!
Well, yeah, it’s been a little better. I’m trying, but I feel like I’m backing myself up to the edge of the building quite literally though. I know I shouldn’t put everything in one basket but I have to try.
More of an explanation can be found in this post I made a little while back.
http://suicideproject.org/?s=to+rise+before+the+fall
And to update from the following replies I made to it: She (let’s call her H) and I have been talking nearly daily (text or Facebook) which has been wonderful, but I’m afraid if I actually say some things I want to say to her, that I will destroy the only part of my life that isn’t in decay.
Everything’s grey but her. Seriously. H has been the only person I’ve ever known who I truly connect with on a really deep level. She always knows exactly how I feel. My ex was always envious of that I think…
This is the elephant in the room though (figure of speech, not actually likening anyone to an elephant). This friend of mine, H, who I became close to over the years is a childhood and close friend of my ex’s. My ex and I are trying to remain friends, but I think she will jump to the conclusion, as she tends to do, that my friendship with H was something more long ago when that is most certainly not the case. I am a one-woman guy. My feelings toward H have only grown recently and I really do care about her. I just don’t want to edge up having a wedge driven between the only person I’ve ever been able to completely bare my soul to who didn’t judge and accepted me for who I am. She is the most extraordinary person I have ever met. I’d sacrifice everything for her. I really would. And it may just be what I end up doing too.
If you have any advice, I’d appreciate it.
Seems my comment went to moderation… 🙁
I seemed to have missed this post! I only just now saw it in moderation from an email notification, my apologies! I know I replied to your more recent post on this topic after things were said and done. I think, that it may have been better to keep a friendship than lose a lover and friend. You know me though, I wish things could have happened differently for you. I hope that she may feel differently in the future.