the pasts haunts me, even more than my future haunts me. it hurts to remember how happy hopeful, and loved i felt. before i felt different and faced my depression. the bipolar. my failures my health problems. the judgement of others. it hurts, to know my future. i dont know. im trying to live. but if i cant do this last job, im so outta here. i would be better as a memory than what ive become. i am so upset i dont have an appetite. i wont put a new post here or awhile, unless i get fired from this job. then its one more post till im wormfood. the happiness and joy of my past is pushing me over the edge. one last fail, and i just cant deal. im an embarrassment. fukcing mental illness. i will pray to God, cause i dont have the strength to face my life much longer. I CANT DEAL. last post for awhile, like i said. cant go on. but i so want to live. :'(
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I’m glad to hear that you want to live:) I just wanted to tell u to try to start speaking and thinking positivity over your life. The time you spend focusing on your failures, spend it thinking about how your going to try again. As far as a job, try to think about what you enjoy doing in life. Do you like to help people? When you work doing something you enjoy, your more likely to succeed. Your story stupid out to me and I just wanted to tell you try positivity.
‘I so want to live’. Pain you want to live! What a gift!
I understand the shame and embarrassment of having a mental illness, believe me I know first hand! It’s something totally beyond your control, and I think you’ve said before that you feel very stigmatised by it with your near and dear, not to mention society as a whole.
I kind of want to live too…as the saying goes, never mind about life after death, is there life BEFORE death? Coz what we go through daily isn’t life, it’s an existence unwillingly borne. Yet I must have faith that even this is meant to be, and there will be some kind of epiphany somewhere down the line, there has always been before. That moment of joy, peace, understanding and acceptance. Yeah it may only be a moment. Yet maybe that’s all we need to muster the strength to keep going.
You are my brother, pain.