I’ve been researching a lot about reasons to live. Not because I have a friend or a family member or even an acquaintance that has decided to take a step towards ending their life but because of the fact that I want to end my life. My extreme anxiety and shyness makes me wonder if my reasons to commit suicide are the same as the general populations–or maybe I’m researching because I can’t decide on one specific reason why all these thoughts haunt me in the few hours I am not forcing myself to take a nap.
Either way, everything I have found so far is basically the same. For friends, for family, for society and for the little things you enjoy but what the hell does that even mean? I guess what I have been asking isn’t ‘why should People Live’ but ‘why should I live’.
In all my drafted suicide notes (either on paper and in my mind) I always include how I realize suicide is selfish, how I know I have a blooming future in front of me and how I know I’m a good person who can help the world and I truly do know all of that but I guess what I don’t know is why all of that matters. What is my purpose?
Do any of you guys feel that? Do you have any answers? Please tell me because currently all I see is the worthlessness of life and of humans in general. I see no reason to live in all this torment even if I become famous or something that doesn’t change anything because that is a purpose for the well being of others-not myself-and (although that is truly a selfish thought) the fact that I can’t find purpose for myself within myself is why I am so distraught.
Legit, I get that happiness does come but what’s the point in waiting for it if it’s so fleeting? I would rather experience none of it the. A mix of it.
2 comments
I feel completely the same. I believe the only reason that we are here on this earth is to be tested for entrance into heaven. I only say this as I was raised as a Christian. I don’t mean to make this religious but I’ve been extremely doubting my religion lately.
Anyway. Because if this I see no true purpose in life. It’s a miserable thing people are put through. And in the end what do you get for it? No one can really be sure
I’m not saying I believe you should commit suicide. But I feel your pain. I feel the worthlessness and the pain and most of all the doubt of life.
Although, I do not believe suicide is truly a selfish thing. It is not right for people to say that when they cannot feel your pain. To some people what caused this May have been a small problem. But to me (or whoever) it is my life.
I am here if you need to talk/vent/scream.
You have a lot of time to find your purpose if you want and so choose.
I didn’t know what the hell I wanted or who I was my senior year. Now I’m in college as an art major and it works. It’s a piece of the purpose puzzle. But that takes a lifetime to put together.