I’ve been depressed for the past three years of my life. No one knows about it but me. I’ve have scars all up my wrists but that doesn’t seem enough anymore these days and now more than ever I truly do want to die. Most people who are depressed actually have real issues. I dont . The only problem is myself I can’t seem to get out of this hole that I’ve dug for myself. I feel so stupid and I hate every aspect of myself I feel like every day I fail. I used to have close friends but they always seemed to make their way away from me now I hate having people near me. It offends me if they try to be my friend its truly sick. I feel like they don’t actually care about shit I have to say. I have amazing parents who actually do love me but I don’t love myself. I’ve been raised in a pentecoastal church my whole life but I know I don’t fit in there. I hate myself. I’ve always hated myself now a days its just so much worse. I feel like people around me are just nosey they don’t actually give a fuck and it makes me angry. I have days when I just shut down and don’t want to face reality and sleep all day long. I just realy want to end it I will never ever get better. Three years is a long time and I know if I’m to ask for help they won’t take me seriously because I’m the happy preachers daughter who doesn’t have anything to complain about. I called the suided hotline and they hung up on me. Is just fucking ironic how its never enough.
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I know how you feel. Depression isn’t caused by issues you have, it’s a disease of the mind. Issues crop up in life but when you suffer from depression, the issues intensify it. When i just had depression you have to force positive thoughts, one thing to be glad about a day. I’m sorry I can’t be much help with an example, i cant think of anything happy right now. I used to set one extremely simple task everyday and try to succeed with it. Normal people only want to be around happy fun people so it will make you antisocial but you cant help this right now. as you succeed with the above your confidence will grow perhaps. You need to make yourself so busy you don’t have time for any thinking whatsoever.
@ 21299 I understand how you feel. I feel that I have dug myself into a massive cave but haven’t been able to find the way out of the cave either. I think people are depressed for a lot of reasons…not just for “real issues” because apeople cope in different ways. I too have been fighting this war for 3 years… It is truly exhausting and I pray for energy
@ anonymousgirl Your comment hasn’t been approved yet so I can’t reply directly to it. Just wanted to say that I have atypical depression (one of my diagnoses at least) and environmental factors have a huge affect on me and my self-worth… Which could very easily spiral me into the suicidal abyss for a while
You’re not alone there, I really sympathise. I also know what its like to be depressed and hate myself and not have anyone believe you can be because of your upbringing. I too tried to get help at first but got turned away as I was underage and needed my parent’s consent.. even after the first suicide attempt all that happened was I got shouted at for being silly and not being grateful for what I had..
It is very lonely when none of your friends are able to sympathise with what you’re going through, not many people like to hear about other’s problems, its sad but true.
I wish I could say there is a magic cure but there isn’t – you just have to keep going until you can’t. Three years is a fucking long time you’re right, but you’ve survived. Be proud of yourself for hanging in there this long. There will be better days and worse days, but day by day you can keep going. For what little its worth, I believe in you. And if you do decide you can’t take it anymore, at least you can be proud you’ve made it this far.
Its amazing how good it is to hear advice from people who actually do understand, thank you.
You’re so welcome 🙂 Hang in there buddy.
@stilllost I wasn’t suggesting that environmental factors don’t have an effect on depression because they severely do. I was merely pointing out the fact that anyone can get depression despite of having any issues or not. I have suffered with severe depression for most of my life amongst everything else. That’s for almost 20 years of self destructing torture
@21299_ I have also felt like that. I really understand what you are saying when you say that it seems like all of your friends have drifted away from you, because I also feel like that. I also feel that people don’t even seem to care about me, even when I reach out for help. It’s like no one understands me and no one seems to believe me when I reach out to them, because people think my life is perfect, because they always have seen me as the ‘perfect student-daughter-friend” because I always act like I have it all together, even thought I am dying inside.
I know how you feel and I just wanted to say that, even though I haven’t met you personally, I understand your pain, because I feel the same way. I also grew up in a religious organization and I feel that people wouldn’t believe me if I told them I was depressed, because they have always seen me as “happy.” Also, I have adrenal fatigue, which makes it harder to function, so it is twice as hard now for me to face my life.
My heart goes out to you. If you ever need a friend, I know how you feel, contact me : )
Thank you it means more than you think my heart goes out to you also, and youre very strong for working twice as hard to get out of bed, Keep going
Thank you so much, your encouragement means a lot to me. If you ever need a friend, feel free to email me at email3716 at gmail dot com if you want. You don’t have to, it might be weird emailing someone you just met over the internet, lol, but if you want someone to be there for you, feel free to send me a note.
Either way, I commend you for reaching out to others, because there are people who feel the same way that you do, and who understand how painful it is to feel alone. My heart go out to you, I hope you can see that you are a special and unique person, who is worthy of love and friendship. : )