A letter from me to… YOU (you know yourself)

So, I don’t know from where to begin. I can’t bear the pain in my chest. I don’t know how much of this I can take before I end up in an asylum. I’m losing it, my mind..

It’s been always this way. Nothing I can do to make you stop. I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried and I… tried. Yet, nothing seems to be working. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never impress you. I’ve been strong but.. but really how much of this pain I can handle? I wonder.

I.. who have been always the good girl.  Done everything you’ve asked but why do you keep treating me this way? Why do you always make me feel worthless? I even changed to fit with your perfectionist self. I wanted to be good enough for you. I wanted you to like me. I loved you and even worse, I trusted you.. on myself. I allowed you to turn me into something I’m not; my insecurities grew. I hated me passionately. I bet you enjoyed it, didn’t you?

I had no friends because of YOU but that was okay I had YOU. I lost myself because of YOU but that was okay because I had YOU. I had nobody to run to because of YOU but that was okay because I… thought I had.. YOU; you, who kept ignoring my calls in my presence. Did you hear me? that was me calling you, begging for your attention, don’t walk away, please.. I desperately need you. Please, look at me for once. Can’t you see? I need YOU. I n-e-e-d YOU!!

You believe their lies but not me who’s telling the truth? Why? It hurts, you know. My words doesn’t matter to you? You’re doing a good job of making me feel insignificant and worthless. I thought I was young back then; I understood. Now I’m old enough, you still treat me the same. Why are you like this?

I get it I’ll never be number 1 in your life, nor number 2, nor number 3 or even number 100 but why do you keep on hurting me? Can’t you tell that I love you?! Can’t you tell how much I love you?! Did you even care.. about me.. at all?

I’d still love you…. I know I’m stupid. I just wanted to feel loved by you. That’s all, I promise.

Thanks for everything.

P.S. I’m not suicidal. I needed to vent this. Oh and this isn’t about a love between a boy and a girl. It’s about family love..