I’m a good person, overall I don’t think there’s anything I do which is bitchy or dishonest. I really do live by the golden rule. Treat people how you want to be treated. I’m not even exaggerating. I really do.
I am quite a shy person. It come from a result of bullying throughout my childhood and onto my teenage years. Actually the first year of my life that I wasn’t bullied was when I was 17. (I’m in my mid 20’s now) Sometimes I wonder if I have some sort of social disorder, because even now I find it hard to connect and trust people.
Since making my little group of friends at university I have become better, though sometimes I do regress back into being introvert and quiet. But I do my best to fight it.
I have moved to the other side of the world (for the company I work for).
This company is a retail company who have a lot of bad press for hiring people based on their looks, and a sad truth is that that was also why I was hired. Not because of the degree I achieved at university, not because I was amazing in the interview….but because my face was pretty, I had nice hair and I was thin.
And truth is, I hate my job. A lot. The managers I work with are the people I try and cut out from my life. The two faced girls who talk bad about everyone but are nice to your face. This is how it is from bottom management to top management. Of course not everyone is like that. That would be horribly generalising. But the people I work with now are the latter.
I miss my home, my friendship group I made. I feel so alone. When I was at home I tried countless times to get another job. But I never passed the interviews.
I feel like I’m stuck in this company I hate. I don’t like the work and I don’t like the people. I feel like I can’t get another job, I’ve never been successful. Maybe it is because I’m not smart and I’m not good at interviews. Maybe this is the only company that will hire me.
But I’ve been able to manage up till now. I had my friends back at home and my family. Now I’m on the other side of the world. (It was always my life ambition to move to another country, learn the language and work there.) But I feel so alone. So depressed. the time zone makes it hard for me to talk to my friends. My boyfriend and I decided it would be better to break up than do long distance, and my family are so busy I rarely get to talk to them.
I’m at a dead end. Even when my contract in this country is finished, when I go back I’ll still be in the same job. Working for a company I hate.
It upsets me to think that the only reason I was hired was because I was pretty. It makes me feel like I’ll never amount to anything. What happens when I get older, what then? I’ll be screwed.
I wish I was funnier, I wish I was charismatic, smart and enthusiastic.
I’m weighed down by my own pessimism and shyness, but I don’t know how to change.
In a sad way I really don’t think I’ll amount to anything. It’s too late to change my personality. I’ve tried so hard. I can’t think of any other escape from this endless cycle of depression and disappointment.
4 comments
I’ll let you in once I’m on the wagon ride .. That’s all I can utterly say.
You pretty much defined my entire life except that I’m the opposite in one regard – my bad looks prevent me from getting a job. I relate to a lot of your situation – mid 20’s, feeling like I have no future, that I’m not smart, can’t get a job, socially not the best.
I don’t believe you have a social disorder. Those things get thrown around too much.
I think that you need to re-evaluate your situation and put your own emotional well being first. If you’re in a position where you can leave your job and return home, even to stay with your parents, then you should strongly consider it.
Being smart, it’s subjective. It’s almost a complete fabrication I would argue. I think that what is important is you have a good heart, you be the best person you can be.
Amounting to something is also subjective. Do we really need to amount to something? I’m not sure we can just define our existence by a series of completed tasks or challenges. Just a thought.
Sorry I don’t articulate myself well.
Hello,
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…and my family are so busy I rarely get to talk to them.
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Is there any way you can tell your family, “This job isn’t working out too well and I need someone to talk to?”
I understand that your family are busy (I understand the time difference, too), but perhaps they would be willing to make time for you if you flat-out tell them that you need them? Right now, they might be assuming that everything is OK with you when it isn’t.
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In a sad way I really don’t think I’ll amount to anything. It’s too late to change my personality.
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Maybe think of it this way: your ex-boyfriend appreciated you for who you are, right?
If you give yourself some time, you might meet someone else who will appreciate you for who you are as well. I know you said you don’t like your workmates very much, but perhaps you could use your time on the job to meet someone you -do- like?
Things might seem hopeless now, but they can change if you give yourself some more time. Whether the change is for the better or for the worse I can’t say, but there’s only one way to solve the mystery of life: give yourself the time it takes to see how it all turns out.
Please try to hang in there, miss.
Often times people tend to look at others and compare themselves with them and become depressed because they feel they haven’t accomplished nearly as much as those people.. (and it’s usually materialistically) But when i look around certain countries where people have almost nothing and yet are genuinely happy with their lives i come to realize that even happiness is subjective, just like taste every person has a different one.
You need to find what makes you happy and really go deep inside yourself and ask the question. You have one life to live, So instead of comparing yourself with others why not make an effort to be better at job interviews? Doubting yourself is poisonous. And being harsh on yourself doesn’t work either, being proud of who you are right now, a person that treats others with respect and truly lives by the golden rules is something far better my friend!
You don’t want to get into certain positions because you double crossed people, cheated on people, heck perhaps even murdered certain people..
Be proud of yourself.