I don’t know but I think my time is coming to an end…

Lately my thoughts are filled with my death…weather it be by my own hands, another or some freak accident.

ive always been suicidal, since a very young age and I’ve been in and out of ‘mental institutions’ since I was 13…I’m now 18. Nothing helps anymore…I feel like the weight of the world is holding my down. I try looking to things or  people I love and know will be hurt by my death but even that’s not helping.

i can’t sleep anymore, I’m so scared of everything. I’m scared someone will break in and hurt my family. I’m scared of even the tiniest things.

Hell my dog snatched up a kitten and I cried for days. This isn’t normal.

I have a plan for the future, in about two months I’ll be going to live with my friend and her father to start collage. It all looks so promising, however…I still want my death to come.

I looked in the mirror the other day…all I could see was an over weight girl with dark bags under her eyes…she even looked like my father.

im scared…I don’t want to die….but at the same time I do! All I want is to leave this earth! This place that is falling to shit everyday! I can’t stand it anymore!!

I don’t know what to do…. I want to curl into a ball and die. It seems over the top but no matter how hard I try I cannot stop these thoughts. I just want to give up.

I want to be a coward…I want to be weak. I want to take the easy way out.