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I Hate my Mom

by Tara

You know when somebody says “You shouldn’t be around people who make you unhappy.” There’s only one person that makes me unhappy, and that’s my mom. The worst part is I am forced to be around her. She is emotionally abusive and she claims that she has never said anything bad to me. She says I’m a *****, a drama queen, that I’m crazy, and she hopes I run away. She is the reason i cry so much. I’ve suffered from depression since I was 8, and my mom has always belittled me about it. My older brother at the age of 7 had a ruptured AVM in his brain. He had to have brain surgery and he almost died, it was one of the worst moments of my life. So whenever there is a problem with my mental health she compares it to what happened to my brother. She asked me one time “Why do you get so angry and upset?” And i told her it was because i have anger issues. Then it turns into “Who diagnosed YOU with anger issues?”. And that is nothing compared to some of the other things she has said to me. I’ve attempted suicide twice, and it wasn’t until the second time, when i was 14, she found out. The first time I was ten and i tried wrapping my dogs leash around my neck and tying it on the pole in my closet. So one day we got into a fight and I was crying in my closet, so my mom sent my little brother in to watch me, and these were her exact words: “Jack, you stay in here with Tara so she can’t say (in a high pitched voice) ‘Oh I tried to hang myself with Muffin’s leash!”.” I couldn’t believe she said that, I was shocked. I went to a partial care program called High Focus Center for my second attempt, and we had group therapy and everyone gets a chance to process. I told the therapist and the other teens some of the things my mom has said and done to me, and they were shocked. They told me I should’ve called dyfs, and my therapist told my mom they had said that. She was so mad at me. She then told my therapist that I was making up stories and that this was all in my head. I felt like i was nothing. I hate how she is always in denial. She denies i have mental issues, she even denies she has a drinking problem. She also denies how she is abusive to my dad, she’s thrown things at him, screamed at him that he’s a fat fuck and that she wishes they could get a divorce. Whenever my parents get in a fight, I always make sure I have an eye on them because I’m scared somebody will get hurt. She treats both of my brothers better than me, and I just don’t know what to do. I’ve attempted to talk to her but it turns into the whole “I’m the parent not you!” “I tell you what to do you don’t tell me!” And yes, I’m not the perfect daughter, I’m not nice all the time. But my mom overreacts and taunts me for days, telling me I’m a ***** and that she wishes she could move out and leave me and my dad. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried family meetings with a therapist as well, but I refuse to go to one again after she screamed at me in front of my therapist calling me a liar. At this point I don’t even want her to be a better mom, I just want her away from me. What should I do?

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acanthi 9/23/2014 - 5:40 am

I’m not sure what you should do, but i empathize with you and how you feel.
While I love my mom, I hate the stranger that I usually encountered most days.
I lived with her until I was 13, and dealt with years of emotional abuse from her drinking. More nights than not in a week she was wasted and said awful things that, when asked about later or tried to mention, was denied having ever said.
I remember staying awake all hours of the night keeping strange men from coming into the house or from her going and driving.
I understand what its like to stay around and make sure no one gets hurts when the yelling starts getting louder and louder.
I understand what its like to be called a *****
To go to hell
To wish that she had never given birth to me

All I can say is I got out of that situation and now live with my father and his new wife and children, where I am often forgotten about and ignored.
If you need to rant or talk or anything, let me know and i’ll give you my email address.

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