It happened after my 7th attempt, I was desperate and intrigued to Attempt again. My parents suggested we head to the mall, on my way to the car I found something that got me excited. There was a big Anti-freeze container sitting outside In our neighbors doorsteps. Now Ive been researching my crap for 3 years so I knew damn well how dangerous that thing is. The next day after that I told my parents I’m taking walk outside, little did you know I went to grab that antifreeze and dashed as fast I could without getting seen by anyone. I went behind the church […]
hello, i don’t want any suggestions or counselling. I’m really strong for not needing such advisory services.
OK, so let me start…
I have this best friend, whom I fell in love with, after 4 years of being best-friends with her. We used to share everything amongst us. Falling for her was never intentional. In the later stages of 4th year, her behaviour towards me changed a lot, i don’t know what happened. I never realised that I fell in love with her. She knew this very well. After some months, she told me to focus on studies, and not get into it.
Since then, I can’t get […]
Actually, I’ve been a lurker for the longest time. On and off. Never posted before though. I don’t think I’ve ever been actually the text book definition of suicidal, but I wonder about death (and life) a lot. The last time I had been on here was about 2 years ago. So today when I came across this video, I surprised myself to suddenly find that my very first thought was to share it here on TSP.
So HELLO SPians, and here’s to life and death, our favorite oil-and-water odd couple…
Enjoy CREEP (Radiohead, 1992), performed by this raspy and wholehearted former street performer, “Mustard” (aka. Danny […]
My parents never talked to me and dismissed my problems because they are too perfect for their kid to have flaws I guess. I am a weird kid. I never kissed a girl, never had friends, never had a childhood and I guess I never grew out of it.
A new employee at work is a girl who is the friendliest person I ever met. On her first day she introduced herself to me and she seemed genuinely interested about me and she was smiling. She always smiles. Few days later a coworker told me that she said that I’m smart and nice.
She is my cure […]
Escape. That’s what we desire. Want. Who doesn’t need to be wanted? This is our shot.
The reason we feel so empty and vile about ourselves isn’t our fault, it’s our
environment. We are one and the same and we need to take steps to stay alive. That’s
why I’m leaving to roam the country, feel free and alive again…like I did before and
I’m inviting any of you to join me. All we need is each other. There is unity in who
we are. We may be the black sheep, the broken hearted, the crazy psychos. But we are
also the explorers, the innovators, […]
I sit here and wonder what is wrong with me?
Looking down a the black tunnel and I blindly see
Nothing but darkness and blackness
All I have ever wanted is to just be loved
Women look upon me as some cancer they don’t want
I just want the pain to end
Around the corner of the bend I see the bus.
Just waiting now because soon I will have my ticket.
I have tried to give everything to the relationships I have had
They all have failed which just makes me sad.
I don’t know if this even will make any sense to anyone
Its becoming harder to even remain lucid anymore.
I just wanted someone […]
Tonight, I am planning to kill myself. I have planned many times to but I have held back because of what seemed like people who cared or the sacredness of what people would think if I failed. Tonight, however, ends all of this. To if you were my friend or you call yourself a friend of mine, I am sorry, but you should have known this was coming. To my family aside from my adoptive mom, I am sorry. To my teachers and other adults, why could not have done something. I know you guys have seen my cuts and scars. Some of you have […]
I think i know whats wrong with me now. Its not that im suicidal. I just dont care about myself or anyone else anymore. I used to be the most talkative person to the point my mother told i talk too much as much as she does. But one thing I can say I’ve learned about people and myself is that for some it takes a lot to change them or for some like the joker says in the dark night it only takes a little push. I myself was to take a lot however letting my current girlfriend deep into my heart was a […]
I’ve always wanted to submerge myself into something that would help numb these feelings,
I’ve always wanted to experience that complete lostness you see in someone deep into their work,
I’ve always envied that.
I’ve tried to lose myself in alcohol,
but these feelings make is seem as if I’m drinking poison.
I’ve tried to lose myself in drugs,
but these feelings make the strongest “uppers” into downers.
I knew these weren’t positive things to lose myself in,
but I didn’t care,
I was so desperate.
I’ve always wanted to be a great writer,
I wanted to paint beautiful scenes with my words,
but creativity […]
Can someone please help me end this? This is ridiculous.
For me to have the strength to end it all, i would have to have some motivation. If I had any motivation to do anything, I would cling to it. I would survive.
At this very moment, though, I only have the precious remnants of it. I’m drunk, so there’s some dopamine or some other shit in my system letting me be enough of a human to write this. Letting me be a man. A man which is strong enough to send a hopeless and desperate cry for help.
I work 50 hours a week and I give […]
The weather got too fucking hot for the first time this year, so I decided to take off all clothes. I heard that it is possible to pass out by touching my carotid artery and I found out that it is on my neck around my ear. I pressed against it at times and I came close to passing out, but there must be an extremely narrow place touch because at other times, it just hurt! I took an old shirt and wrapped it around my neck and I was trying to press against the carotid artery and I came close to […]
I have been stuck here for 15 years. I have parents that are very old fashioned, but lately have been slacking up with my brother (5 years younger than me) and it is pissing me off. He has turned into a sneaky brat. And my parents thing I’M the disrespectful one. No, but the two of us shouldn’t have the same rules. They smother me and I am not allowed to go out. Oh, and I weigh 90llbs and want to weigh 80. So I basically just want me and my boyfriend to move away into the forest with our guns, horses, and no food […]
She stood by the bedpost and looked out the window
Her voice was a whisper
Save me it muttered to the darkness
The moonlit room was a hollow heart
Much like the one inside her chest
Beating one, two, one, two
She put a dark red capsule into her mouth
And as a single tear rolled down her cheek
She looked back on everything she’d seen in her life
No more, her voice so soft she wasn’t sure she was even speaking
Her heartbeat slowed
Her eyes closed, tired of seeing the moon
And the last thing she saw was her eyelids
Locking the door […]
I’ve had a pretty rough life. From the time I was born I could tell I was unwanted. My mom and dad went to work and left me with the baby sitter day after day. They’d just come home, not even glance at me, and go to sleep. I didn’t mind that though. As long as my parents were asleep they weren’t fighting. Their fights were bad. They would yell, scream, kick, and fight. It was awful. I can remember countless nights where I would hide under my bed behind my box of hotwheels praying to whatever god existed that they would just stop fighting. […]
I’m just done. I really don’t know how to cope with anything anymore. My mom has been in a bad mood for the past week, because she is very stressed about christmas shopping. And of course whenever she’s angry, who does she take her anger out on? Her family. So her and my older brother were fighting about were the clicker was, and my mom got really angry. She was calling him a bastard, lazy ass etc. And my brother just said “Can you stop being a dick to me”, which he should never had said. She starts saying how terrible we all are then […]
People say only cowards kill themselves…they need a way out so they take their own lives. That’s not true people have so many problems when they hit bottom you would think the only way to go from there is up. Some people like myself mentally and physically can’t we don’t see no were to go…we once had a thing that pushed us to live, but that thing is no longer there. I’m going to be honest I think about killing myself at least once a day. To be honest again if I knew how many pills to take then I would be already gone…I don’t […]
You know when somebody says “You shouldn’t be around people who make you unhappy.” There’s only one person that makes me unhappy, and that’s my mom. The worst part is I am forced to be around her. She is emotionally abusive and she claims that she has never said anything bad to me. She says I’m a *****, a drama queen, that I’m crazy, and she hopes I run away. She is the reason i cry so much. I’ve suffered from depression since I was 8, and my mom has always belittled me about it. My older brother at the age of 7 had a […]
People call suicide “Selfish,”
Well I believe it’s time for me to be selfish.
All this world has done for me is drag me down,
it’s the weight that’s pulling me down to the bottom.
Why should I care about others feelings being hurt,
when they have done nothing to benefit mine.
We’re all going to die sometime,
so why not do it now?
Get it over with,
so the scars of grief caused by our deaths heal,
so our sorrow of being alive will end.
Our eyes met,
and for some reason I just couldn’t resist you,
I fell fast and so did you.
But then the sweet words you called me turned sour,
the touching wasn’t so gentle anymore,
you left bruises and scars,
but somehow it felt better to go through this pain with you,
I never believed in God,
but I started praying for death,
hoping some greater power could take me out of this misery.
Your mean words became my reality,
and my bruises you left on my body never healed,
they were permanent.
I left you, with swollen eyes and a heavy heart,
never knowing if I would find someone that would make me so miserably happy.