I quit

I wanted to do it. I was convinced I was going to take my life. I was devastated. Things had been moving in a positive direction since I last posted, but I knew it was only an amount of time before things came crumbling down. I quit my job. I hadn’t planned on doing it the way I did, but I lost my mind. Things were so bad there, I quit because my managers wouldn’t do anything to help me. No matter how many times I asked for help with a co worker they let it slide and made it out like it was my fault. So every interview I have I’m made to go into detail about what happened… It’s awful. On top of this, I was I guess “dating” this man and turns out he is married…. and his wife is pregnant. I feel like trash I really liked him, imagined a future with him.  The worst part is he still wants to keep sleeping with me. I just can’t… I know what it feels like to be cheated on… I swore I’d never do something like that, but I did, I became the other woman. I sat in bed that night and just gave up… so I got online looking for something to ground me. I met a man online we agreed to meet and I figured I had nothing to lose so I met him. We talked for awhile and it was nice, but then he kissed me. I was shocked at first, but I went with it soon he was trying to get me to have sex with him. I said no and he completely changed his attitude. I was actually scared. Luckily, I got home safe. I know I’m young and have “my whole life” in front of me, but what if I don’t want it? Suicide is not selfish, most of us would give all the years we have left to someone else if we could, but we can’t. I cracked. I was almost a year clean and I cracked under pressure. I have 30 brand new pink scars. So here’s to hanging on as pointless as it is, I’m going to try. Let’s face it, many of us are too poor to die anyway, thanks to expensive funerals and such. I’m going to make enough money to pay for my cremation and then I’m out.