I like staying busy… When I am busy my mind can stay off all the negative things in my life. But when the music stops and it’s quiet. I find myself all alone… My mind goes into a whole another world…
i just wanna pop the pills and take one too many….
i just wanna fall sleep and never wake up…
but i fight these thoughts every night in hope that one day things will get better. I pray they will get better because of they don’t I am not sure how long I will last… I am only human…
” I am not a good person, and I deserve to die ”
Just then, a sound.
The sound of shattering glass swished through the open door frame, berating my eardrums and bringing me out of my trance. I turned my gaze upward as I shifted my orientation, just in time to hear another shattering sound as bits of the bathroom mirror fell from its frame and into the sink.
Before I could even think, I was on my feet and running towards the door. Because I knew pain, and I knew what he’d do to himself.
I shouted his name; no answer.
I shouted it again, my fists frantically pounding against the door. The shattering stopped, and I heard a light […]
I know that one day, you will leave me. I dream of you every night. I used to have normal dreams, but now they turned into the most morbid dreams that you could ever imagine. Why won’t this leave me alone? Why cant this leave me alone. I wake up not knowing what to think. What to think of you. What to think of “my life”. “Our life”. Our poor kids. That’s the only thing that keeps me holding on. That and the fact that I’m to ***** to do it. My whole Family hates me. Cast me off. No friends left, no home left. I […]
So on the 24th of august 2014 i tried to commit suicide and wanted to so badly, and you know nearly succeeded but because of my brother i am still alive lol. We had an argument the day before and i stupidly realised after i had taken 35 out of the 50 i had laid out on my table. So of course because my brother is the only person in this world i actually care abt and know he cares abt me i stopped. And im a bit glad i did but not entirely because i still feel like complete and utter shit, i still […]
Hello there. I have a loving husband three amazing kids a fantastic family apart from my brother who is a complete twat (I mean totally) and I want to end my life…. . . ..I just want my pain to stop and it never does….. I just don’t know how i find the strength everyday to keep going. I am alone in this. I can’t share how I feel sat at the table….. It would break hearts….. But mine is breaking too…took a lot to put this down but it’s out there now…. I’m scared.
im really unsure on what to say anymore. its not like i can go on facebook and talk about what i really want to talk about without alarming the people im close to. i used to be okay. i used to have the ability to turn the pain off at the snap of a finger. now its gone. the switch has been flipped and im unable to turn it off. all i can think about is death and ending the pain. why havent i done it already? i have nothing left to look forward to. the love of my life decided to move across the […]
I wanna kill myself, I have a method by jumping off the Golden Gate, I’ve gone 3 times already, but I can’t seem to do it. I’m scared to jump because of chance of surviving and feeling the agonizing pain, although, the survival ratio is low and also, if I back out, I’ll just make a big scene. Now to why, I wanna do this act. I’ve been depressed for years do to having a dysfunctional family, always being a failure at everything I do; I don’t seem to have a future. A few years passed and I had to move to a new city, […]
I’ve been thinking about suicide for the last 15 years and at times, the only thing stopping me from doing it was fear of pain and surviving with brain damage (I could only kill myself with a gun or possibly hanging if I could figure out how to get partial suspension hanging right). But I realize that there are things that could make my life better and stop me from considering the suicide route, if only temporarily.
For me, it would have to be forging a deep important commitment to someone or something. I would have to learn to forget or not think about all the […]
I’m new and like everyone here I have been suicidal and depressed. I feel like I have let a lot of people I care and love down. Seems like all I do is mess up and I feel so alone. I feel as no one cares if I’m around or not. Seems like only time they want me is when they need something or something needs done. I feel like I’m a burden to my family and friends.
I do have a story but I don’t want to get into right yet for I’m not sure if anyone would want to know or talk. It took […]
I’m only 18. I shouldn’t be so worried about this. Why can’t I stop thinking about this? I’m so afraid that I’ll mess up when I do have a kid. I’m afraid that I’ll neglect it. I’m afraid I’ll care more about myself than I do my child. I’m afraid that my child will love its babysitter more than it’s mother. I’m afraid I’ll lead the child down a path it was never meant for. I’m afraid I won’t be the mother I could or should be. But it’s more than that. I’m afraid I won’t be able to have a child. I’m afraid I’m […]
Tomorrow I’ll tell about my thoughts and my cut to the doctor.
I fear for the comment but I gotta do it. thank you everyone who gave me advice
Finally gave in to my urges and cut for the first time in a couple months; i feel so shitty but relieved. i feel so weak and terrible after i have fights with my mom; i guess im just feeling alone. name shit different day.
I broke my 2 month long spree of being clean from cutting on Wednesday. I’ve got the perfect idea for a sketch in my mind and tonight I think I’ll finish it off with a little blood.
i could be meeting somebody I’ve loved for years in about a month and a half 2 months. I’ve never been so terrified its all i can think about. but at the same time i can’t wait. I’ve stopped eating. i cant eat. its a mix of the two. idk i think despite the fear the nerves and anything else it’ll be the best night of my life possibly a good night to end it. idk. its something I’ve been thinking about the last few days. a nice way to go in the middle of the carnage of hundreds of sweating singing dancing people just […]
I best introduce myself first, I’ve been bouncing on and off with depression for quite some time now and have now reached the age of 34. As a teenager my mates took drugs and i eventually caved in at 14 and started what i thought was a softer drug and began smoking cannabis which then led me onto higher things like magic mushrooms etc. After being led down a life of crime i broke away and became leading an almost normal life over the age of twenty, marijuana being my main fault line. It wasn’t until a few years ago i started recognising the inner […]
I am writing this with a heavy heart. It’s been awhile. I’d just go straight to my point, yeah?
Did you actually miss me? Because I know I don’t.
As time goes by, I find that I have lesser and lesser things to tell you about. I actually struggle to talk to you. I don’t even know what to say to you sometimes. In order to keep This alive, I’ve tried my best to push myself out to talk to you, and so I always send you pictures. Since they speak of a thousand (make that million!) words, ha ha.
The love I once had for […]
The other day I was sitting on the public bus and I was feeling really sad, as usual recently. Before I got to the bus stop I was sweating because it was really hot outside and I was also really sad because I had looked at myself in the mirror and I had seen something I really didn’t like about myself and I didn’t like myself, not that I have ever truly liked myself. Anyway, when I was on the bus, I started looking at the scenery around me and I started thinking how ever since I was young I have always felt like I […]
Yes, I want to crawl in a hole an die sometimes.
Yes, I want to slash my wrists.
Yes, sometimes blood is on my hands.
But no, that does not mean I’m never happy. Chocolate makes me happy. Lana Del Rey makes me happy. Music makes me happy. Learning how to play the piano makes me happy. Words make me happy.
When you smile at a stranger and they smile back, it’s moments like those that make me happy. And I know, this is sappy. Somedays, I will post deathly dark stuff on here that is, at best, cringe-worthy. But you know what? It’s different today. Hopeful.
Here’s to being […]
I was thinking of committing suicide. But I try praying St. Jude Novena. All solved and I’m still alive 🙂
Try and pray Saint Jude Novena for 9 days..7 times each day 😉
“St. Jude, glorious apostle, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the person (who betrayed our Lord) has caused you to be forgotten by many, but the true Church invokes you universally as the Patron of things despaired of. Pray for me, who is so miserable; pray for me, that I may finally receive the consolations and the succor of Heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly (ADD YOUR […]
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