Life is a depressing experience. Each day at college, I feel like I’m being forced against my will to conform to society. I’m only going to college because it’s either that, work for no reason, or suicide (such great choices). Seriously, there is no reason for me to work because I don’t want life. I’ve thought I might want a boyfriend, but I’ve never had one, and why bother? Relationships never last, and I’ve been told that I’m too sick to have one (so I guess I’m also unworthy of love). I don’t look forward to anything after college, or life in general. To be honest, I don’t even think I want to be happy, because why be happy when I’ll be unhappy again? People have mentioned how wanting to die because life is pointless is like not wanting to go on a roller coaster because the ride will end, but what if I don’t enjoy the roller coaster ride and want off? Why be forced down into the ride? My outlook on human nature has absolutely shattered. Instead of being hopeful that people could just dump ignorance, wars, etc., I now realise that’s stupid. People WANT to be ignorant. They WANT to start wars. We’re all just evolved bacteria, fucking each other and trying to spread happiness like STDs because we don’t want to accept the fact that we’re all just worthless accidents. I’m sorry this post is jumbled and not optimistic but I feel like shit and no one takes me seriously enough to ask why I feel this way. The professionals just say, “depression,” and I’m given a bunch of pills in hopes that I shut up and they can afford their dream houses. I’ve also got to take more stupid tests next week just to be called “mentally unstable,” so I’m in a shit mood.
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4 comments
This. is. beautiful.
I especially like the line “why be happy when I’ll be unhappy again.” This really spoke to me, especially as I find the unhappy moments grievously outweigh the happy moments.
I find the pain of life unwanted, unavoidable, and unmanageable.
Imagine if someone gives you a crossword puzzle to do, and then no pencil to fill it in. This is what I feel life is. A problem in front of you without the right tools to solve it.
Aww =c
If you’d ever like someone to rant to or just try to be a friend with, I wouldn’t mind.
Stop taking antidepressants if they really aren’t doing anything for you…nobody can really force you to at this point.
As far as college goes, I feel the same; whats the point of doing all this work for a world I’d never live? I guess because it’s better than being a hobo; should I choose to still live on I’d want a decent life, at the very least.
Ignorance is bliss, as goes the old saying; a majority of people today are ignorant about many things that don’t ever affect them, if they wern’t it’d probably only make them as upset as you are now…
1) I feel the same way about college. I’m only here because there’s nothing else for me.
2) That roller coaster metaphor is absolute bullshit. It’s not wanting to get off a roller coaster just because a ride will end. Wanting to die is more like not wanting to go on a roller coaster because there is actually no roller coaster, it’s just a flat train track.
3) I identify so much with these lines “People WANT to be ignorant. They WANT to start wars. We’re all just evolved bacteria, fucking each other and trying to spread happiness like STDs because we don’t want to accept the fact that we’re all just worthless accidents. ”
People just don’t want to accept the truth. Those of us who can are overwhelmed by the pointlessness of it all.
If someone gave you the option to fulfill all your dreams (like winning the lottery, travelling the world, going to space), would you say yes? Actually with your reasoning you shouldn’t because all these things are only temporary. But would you actually do that? Or say “Fuck it, before I die I can at least have some fun once in my life!”?
Usually you don’t find a fairy who grants you 3 wishes, so the question would be how much effort would you give to fulfill your dreams? (Well, you go to college which is pretty much effort and only repays after some years.)
My point is, life can be happy even if it only is temporary. And happiness is usually not achieved without effort.
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” ? J.R.R. Tolkien