I’ve always known I like girls. But I always thought I liked guys too. I’ve had boyfriends but….. I have never had that butterflies, stomach in knots feeling around a guy that some girls talk about. I’ll say I love them but it’s more like a friend kinda love. To me at least. My family is a bible thumping kind of family. My Mum would hate me if I told her my suspicions. I’ve always labeled myself as bisexual. My family doesn’t know that though. Most of the time because of this I think I’ll never be loved. The town I live in is small, connected, and if you come out and you’re a girl coming out. It’s like you said that you had sex with the devil himself. I am so lost and confused right now that it’s crazy. All I want is to be me, and know who I am. It’s that or live with the monsters in my head that want to kill me.
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Hi! I very much understand your situation, I’m in the same one right now :s. Parents are christian and I got baptized this year too. There is one thing though I try to live by and have told my parents over and over, its that the number one thing that the bible preaches is to love, not hate. And love includes respect and not judging and accepting and being open minded. I really do suggest you come out with your close relatives and if they chose to have a hissy fit, tell them they may wanna reexamine there own situations. And if they dare bring up the “you’re going to hell” thing, then point out that according to the bible, so are liars, cheats, thrives, etc and I’m pretty sure they fall I. Atleast one of those category.
You gotta let yourself shine babe, let the world see your true strength and beauty. No matter what happens, be true to you and love those who hate!
I’m more straight than gay…but I’d say I’m bi also. I tend to fall in love with girls but with guys I just like having great sex.
Anyways fuck what your parents or anyone thinks, just do what makes you happy. If you have to keep it a secret do it…I’ve never told anyone close to me that I’ve had a gay lover for more than 10 years and had to suffer our emotional ups and downs on my own.
You have one life, good or bad-live it to the fullest.
Have you ever had that “butterflies, stomach in knots feeling” around a girl either? I think real love isnt like a romance novel or a love film where two people eyes meet and they fall helplessly in love and live happily ever after, ive never got that feeling. real love takes work and hardship. My councillor asked me to how I knew I was in love, and I came up with “when you fall out with your partner, when you’re so pissed off that you dont even want to speak or look at them, when youve cried your eyes out and are so hurt and distraught and angry, but you still know in your heart that your life would be better with that person in it, you can only truly tell youre in love in the depths of dispair.”
Ive felt that way twice in my life, almost 8 years apart. Two great guys. you just need to find the right person really. Dont screw yourself up over whether it should be a guy or a girl, you just need to find someone compatible enough that you can survive the transition from exciting first 3-6 months of relationship to the slower long term relationship.
If your family wont like it, dont tell them. My family were shocked when I admitted I was gay, but I did it when I had moved out of the house and was independant so I wouldnt be fucked if they disowned me. They were cool about it though.
Hey There,
I’ve spent time in both small towns and big cities. Speaking for myself, the key difference I’ve found between the two is: anonymity.
In a big city, you can pretty much live however you want because you are “lost in the crowd,” so to speak. In small towns, however, a popular pastime is to get into other people’s business because, well, there isn’t much else much to do. There’s also a greater pressure to -conform- in a small town (or so I have found, anyway).
Between this:
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My family is a bible thumping kind of family.
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and this:
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The town I live in is small, connected, and if you come out and you’re a girl coming out. It’s like you said that you had sex with the devil himself.
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…I found myself wishing that you’re either in a position to move to a large city a) right now or b) in a year or three, tops.
I understand your frustration at not being able to “be yourself” (seriously, I do), but trying to be yourself in some small towns (and throwing bible-thumping parents into the mix) just has disaster written all over it.
In some cases (yours might be one, though I can’t be 100% sure), the best way to tell your folks who you really are is from a Minimum Safe Distance. If you move, first, and -then- tell your parents, “this is who I am,” and they go bonkers on you, then you can simply (and safely) tell them to naff off.
If you come out now, however, and they take it badly, you’re stuck with having to put up with whatever they choose to dish out to you until you can move.
I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but honestly, it sounds to me like the best thing to do is to keep who you are to yourself until you can get to a place where you can hope to meet people who can *accept* who you are.
Right now, it doesn’t sound to me like you’re in such a place. For all I know, though, I could have it completely wrong, so it’s definitely a judgement call on your part as to what the best course of action would be. I’m just telling you what I make of this based on my own experiences, that’s all.
I couldn’t agree more with the above assessment/advice – Nicely stated Bertie
What if you’re gay? … in general – so what? You are who you are and that’s fine for the majority of society. That said, what does it mean for you specifically? That is another question entirely As Bertie states, small towns and bible thumping families are historically intolerant of that which they don’t “agree” with. I’ve heard and seen stories that go either way regarding “coming out”. Recently a video made the rounds on facebook that witnessed a young man’s religious family staging an “intervention” regarding his “gayness” … it ended very badly and violently. On the other side there was a letter by a father to his “closeted” gay some after the father overheard a supposedly secret conversation … the father’s letter stated that although the son thought his sexuality was secret, the father and mother “knew” for years and they fully supported him and they’d very much love to meet the young man who made their son happy (the son’s boyfriend) … and oh by the way pick up milk and bread at the store. It was humorous, deescalating and touching all at the same time. I remember the first time i read it I actually had a tear in my eye – it was that wonderful.
I suspect most situations fall somewhere in between those two extremes. I am a heterosexual father, so I can’t “know” how you feel about “you” … but I empathize with your plight … as a father (grandfather actually), to me, if i was told one of my kids was gay, it would be no different than if they told me they were going to dye their hair a different color. But then, i’ve never been very religious )i’m atheist now) … and even when i did “believe” (having been raised within a church/religious framework) … it never made sense to me that sexuality was a choice and that since it could not be a choice that god would choose to punish something he created.
It bends logic and reason how the religious will turn on their own flesh and blood to appease the god of middle east nomadic goatherders based on ancient “scriptures” that completely contradict one another, require us to deny science and were cobbled together by humans centuries after they were written.
I think what is most important is YOU … your safety and well being. I know you “want” to get this “out in the open” but it could have very adverse consequences. As much as i abhor lying and/or subterfuge, I believe (based on what you have shared) it better to err on the side of caution.
Don’t engage the topic AT ALL … it’s not a “fair” situation but I would recommend that you put all your focus into your studies and into planning/securing your future – get through high school – go to, and get through, college … get on your feet and become independent and self sufficient … then and only then, when you are on your own and are no longer reliant on you family – then address the subject – that way if they react badly and/or choose to “disown” you (which sadly is a real possibility) you will not have to worry that they might make your life difficult with craziness like “faith healing” or try to modify who you are by withholding college funding or threatening to throw you out of the house.
While you’re a minor, parent can make your life more miserable than it already is – all in the name of “helping” … and where religion is concerned, well, who in a small town would challenge using the will and word of god to “help” a poor misguided child to “see the light”?
So, if you were my kid, I’d suggest you go about you life as normal and simply (not that anything about this actually “simple”) OMIT any overt action that would publicly give clues as to your sexuality. If it’s ever directly asked of you “Why don’t you have a Boy/Girlfriend?” just tell them you’re focused on your studies and extracurriculars and that you’ve seen your friends struggle balancing relationships and school and you don’t want to make that mistake and get distracted from your goal to get to college so you can make your parents proud (which doesn’t necessarily make it a lie if you want this goal in general).
Think very carefully on what purpose it would serve to let this information become public – as much as it may hurt, it doesn’t seem to me it has much “up-side” at this point. And there’s nothing wrong with delaying and choosing the “proper” time to address the subject with family.
All the best – I’m pulling for you 🙂
ally dawg
Thank you for the support guys. I really appreciate it. It was a lot of great advice. I’ll take the advice and stay “in the closet” until I can support myself and if they chose to dissown me well fuck them. I only have a year and a half of high school left so I’ll do the best I can so I can get scholoships to a good school.
Good for you! Just promise me you’ll be proud and confident as you go forward … ignore the haters (there are haters for everyone, gay, straight, bi, male, female … and they all aren’t worth shit) since no matter what you are there will always be haters and critics. There is only ONE person in this world you need to impress … and that is YOU. Anyone who isn’t “on your side” isn’t worth the time and energy to be concerned about – screw em.
rally dawg
Got it. I’ll be proud in the closet and once I’m out I’ll be just as proud!