Sigh… I never thought I’d be back on this site… after I finally built up the courage to actually speak to my mother and tell her about my suicide thoughts and depression.. but my mother being the religious woman she is (ironic) prayed and since I cut myself off from religion.. I just sat in since while she did and took the advice I got from amazing people on this site..
I went out, I did new things, made new friends… it got better after a while.. until a few days ahgo.
A brief description of me:
I’m a social person, I use humor as a coping mechanism, I make friends easily, I have the ‘coolest’ mother (according to everybody else) she goes above and beyond for her kids (clearly not me)
My mother always accuses me of lying to her. Lately since I’m in a serious relationship the latest one is that I’m pregnant and she wants to take me for a check up. If I was pregnant I would know.
I can’t drive because she refuses to take me and I have no time to make a plan, between studying, working and faking smiles.
My mother controls every aspect of my life and when she could see I’m becoming depressed again.. she had an argument with me and said: I can’t live with such a morbid person, I’m throwing your shit out’
Yesterday I wanted to OD on pills but before I did a friend phoned and made me feel better.. until my mother came back home and went on a trip again..
What’s the point of being happy when this is what I come home to.
I realized that I’m not the best communicator When it comes to personal things..
Dealing with my mother isn’t easy and I just want to get away from her.. as far as possible
4 comments
Can you move in with your partner?
My name is Kaela, of you want we could chat and keep in touch? I think it helps to have someone in your corner who understands you’re struggles. I hope you’re doing alright, if not I’ll always be available to talk.
Kik: kaelampass
Email: kaelamp(at)gmail(dot)com
I am sorry things are so chaotic for you. Your mother sounds like a hypocritical monster. Getting away from her and spending more time with those you can trust and gain support from might be just what you need to regain your emotional footing. But I know that doing so is easier said than done, especially when you consider the whole economic thing.
So, even if you can’t move away then staying as close a possible to people you can trust and that care enough to listen is the best thing you can do.
– peace
I’m just going to second Nozmoking. Saying someday all of this will change (not knowing your age and school situation) is probably not helpful, but it does. I grew up with a similar sounding mother-always accusing me of things I STILL don’t do. I remember how difficult and frustrating it felt. I was sheltered and isolated and unable to even develop my social side well. several years into adulthood now and I still feel awkward and silly speaking in a group setting. Anyway, reread nozoking’s last part above and say it like a mantra inside whenever you are faced with your mother’s insecurity.