Woah o.o

Wow I haven’t been on here for awhile probably because it wasn’t helping much but it felt good to let my thoughts out haha…..anyswirls I’m still suicidal….thinking of committing suicide today actually. Not sure if I am going to though, I can see myself doing it but I’m not really sure if I can you know? I mean it’s not like everyone wants to die , it’s just I get to the point of where it feels like I do. Hmm I don’t make sense. But anyswirls it’s been …a tough week I guess. The guy I like ( oh god no not a girl who went gaga over a guy speech) no it isn’t like that. You see , the guy I like is suicidal o.o and it just so happens so am I. He and I seemed to hit it off and then plunk ! He tried hanging himself. Yup. Yay. I thought we were doing ok. I thought I was doing ok. But I guess not , I mean it’s not like I could read his mind or anything but I thought we could get through this you know? I noticed I was getting depressed even before we met so I didn’t know I was slowly falling back to where I was trying to stay away. And what’s stupid is I have a bottle of Tylenol hoping that it will give me a excruciating death and trust me it will I researched. The only reason why I would want that kind of death is because of the pain and probably suffering I’ll put my family into. But I’m just a selfish suicidal girl….whose been abused (boohoo I guess ._.) sexually and physically and emotionally. Bullied at the same time so not safe at home not safe at school…..where am I safe? In my mind? Oops sorry it’s already fucked. Well shit I’m out of luck haha. Please help me anyswirls. I want to try live. I really do. It’s just hard to find something out there that’ll make me say ” oh I should live for that.” You know? So well thanks I guess this can count as a rant and suicidal note. Bye oh and I’m 16 yay.