This is my first time using a site like this, i have always felt weak if i tried getting help, i have had depression for 7 years. I have been able to control my bad thoughts most of this time with distraction methods, this only works so much of the time, when I’m at my lowest nothing can distract me from the pain i feel, i struggle to put in to words what it is that makes me feel this way.
The main cause i suppose is my life being an absolute mess, everything i do goes wrong, every time i try and make my life better it falls apart around me, i keep trying to fight but im losing the battle, i go through worse phases where the thoughts become more frequent when im at my weakest where i feel myself losing control.
I dont really have anything to help me cope, i cant talk to my family about this and i have put too much pressure on my friends already.
I feel lost, alone and helpless, i really dont know how i can fix myself
3 comments
Welcome to SP. You’ll find quite a few friend people here… and you’re definitely not alone. We’re all struggling with one thing or another. Somehow, we all found our way here. I’ve tried distracting myself, too… and I understand the limited effectiveness after a while. Late in the game, when I hit a low, I got some help. I had similar thoughts. Nothing I did seemed to go right and I felt like a walking disaster. Eventually, I realized that I was catastrophizing things and not giving myself enough credit. There were some powerful demons I was battling that were eliminating my ability to deal and wiping out my confidence.
You don’t have to lose the battle. Depression can be difficult to deal with alone. Sometimes it helps if you reach out and get some advice. I know you mentioned constraints with family and friends. If you work, maybe your health benefits cover Mental Health services. How about providers within your community? Sometimes there are free or sliding-scale services based upon income. It might help to have somebody work through things with you. In some communities, there is a number to call to chat with someone. Last week, I spoke with a prayer counselor at one of the radio stations. That could work if you’re spiritual.
I guess my point is to not lose hope… There are options. When things seem dark, there are often ways to get out from under the dark cloud. Continue to believe in yourself because you are your own best ally. If you want to talk more about what’s going on, you’ll find people here who will listen.
Thanks for the reply, i have considered seeking professional help in the past but im worried that if i was to tell them everything i would be seen as a danger to myself and be put in a mental hospital, i suffer with severe paranoia, i have voices is in my head, that coupled with the depression and anxiety which keeps me up at night most nights i struggle to find the energy to live each day, every day wen i get up for work, i lay in bed for up to an hour wondering whats the point, nothing can hurt me wen im asleep so i never want to wake
I see so much of myself in what you say, I suffer social anxiety, paranoia and, hence, depression. Making bad decisions can be hard if, like me, you dwell on the past, I went from having a decent life to this, a lonely existence in a single room, and, like you, laying in bed wishing for no more pain in my life. I’ve now started to use a suicide helpline which is anomymous, as well as SP to try and keep going, talking does help when the right people are listening.