i suffered from social anxiety and major depression since i was a about 14 years old i was too afraid of people so i drop out of school and all i used to do is stay at home all day playing video games i was to afraid to go out my house i felt like people were always watching me, talking about me and making fun of me. also with my depression i was always in pain, so i had no friends, no girlfriends after so many years of pain i tried drugs, i started smoking weed for about 6 months but it only made my depression worse, so i tried molly, with molly it felt great i finally wasnt afraid and for the first time in years i felt happy, but i used too much and i started hearing voices, i got diagnosed with schizophrenia. now my depression and anxiety are gone because after i started hearing the voices i lost all my emotions, now i dont feel anything at all no fear, no anger no happiness nothing on top of that i hear the voices telling horrible things everyday all day. i been like that for 2 years now and im just so tired of living my life have been hell and i got nothing to look forward to since i dont have feelings any more all i want to do is die.
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I know exactly what you mean. I have tried things to make these emotions disappear, to a point in my life I no longer feel anything, anything but sadness, a day dragging on and on and on, and I am waiting for the next day, and the next day, and everyday that begins I just want it to be the next day… Then I stop, and I realize this is it, this is the life I was given, what was the point of living like this? So this is life?… I go out and I see people smiling laughing holding hands, kissing, and I just stare, and think how are some people so happy? Is it possible for me? I’ve tried it… Never made it.. Never been that way, never will be that way. People call me names “skank, whore, trash, pathetic”… Maybe I am all of those, but who is to blame but myself? I am sorry you are feeling down…. I wish there was something I could do to help you. I wish there was something I could do to help me. Hang tight, K?
Don’t lose hope. After several years I found a treatment that worked for my symptoms and took it for a few months. I just “woke up” one day and I felt normal, I didn’t even realize it was different then how I’d been feeling for years, I just felt like being a part of the social atmosphere and I participated in conversations and activities and… I liked it. Don’t lose hope.