I’m slowly coming to honest terms with myself; that despite all the effort, I can’t fix this whole thing. This weight problem. It drags me down both physically and figuratively. I feel cross with myself all the time: why can’t I successfully diet? Why can’t I stick to a plan religiously? The universe doesn’t want me to be happy, and I’m not going to fight back anymore. It’s sickening, how polluted my mind is. Fat. Food. Carbs. Weight. Fat. Not good enough. Disgusting. I don’t know how much longer before wanting to die becomes needing to die. I can’t fucking wait for that moment.
2 comments
I’ve battled weight issues before and it can be a real challenge.
The only thing that eventually worked was starting out by monitoring what I was eating. I had no idea how many calories I was consuming so I had to begin tracking. If a fast-food restaurant (my favorite) didn’t have its calorie information online, I stopped going because I couldn’t track it.
Then I started reducing my calorie intake gradually. Maybe I got a diet soda instead or I switched to a lower-calorie dressing. I started using the stairs. The snack machine at work became off-limits. Yes… Sometimes I went off the diet. It happens. The same thing happened when I quit smoking. Occasionally I would give in and smoke. But I kept trying.
If you keep trying, make things workable, and maintain the faith, you’ll do it. Accept the setbacks. Don’t expect a perfect diet. And don’t expect to shed the weight overnight. It takes time. Sometimes it takes quite a bit of time. Don’t weigh yourself everyday. You’ll drive yourself crazy.
You can lose the weight. One day at a time.
I monitor my intake religiously. It’s something I’m glad I do, because if I didn’t, I don’t think I would be aware of all the shit I’m stuffing inside my body. I’ll take it one day at a time, but days are so short and weeks are excruciatingly long; it’s so unproportionate, it drives me nuts. I hope I decide to be as positive as you are being towards me soon, thank you for your response (: