It was all so fucking perfect, so foolproof. Nothing could go wrong, I was ready to go, I needed to go. Everything was in place no one would know. Then smack bang out of the blue the night I decided to die was the night another (elderly) family member died. I mean there was no way I could do it people would be calling now there would be no privacy no time. How could this happen? And now I’m stuck here in my own hell with no way out because now I have to wait. How much longer do I have to suffer, is it not enough now? And then to top it off when driving home, the song they play on the radio? I lived!! I mean it would make more sense if I believed in a god because then I’d know they were evil but for the universe to conspire to bring events like this. I mean I was so ready. And big events like this happen so rarely in my existence I don’t understand how it could happen. Please don’t give me any bullshit about how I’m meant to live because to live is to suffer and you’re then condemning me to this never ending pain.