Is it weird that I don’t want to stop cutting? Like it’s been a part of me for four years. When I tried to throw my razors away I literally cried. I feel as if I deserve everything I do to myself. Like cutting isn’t a cry for help or a cry for attention. Cutting is just a coping method or a punishment in a way. It’s hard to explain. It’s just so confusing and ughhhhh.
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It’s not weird, I used to be like that as well. I really want to point out that you don’t deserve this at all. I know it’s hard, but you can get through it. Don’t do anything that may be a shock to you, but I do think throwing them out is a good idea… Cutting is not a good habit to take and I still have very visible scars, though they date from two years ago. I hope you find the strength.
Is it bad I don’t want to throw them out.. And I think the longest mine were visible were like a year.
I’m a cutter myself, I have never believed cutting to be a “cry for help”. To me, it has just been a way to deal with my problems. I get a strange satisfaction from it and can say that it brings me both pain and some amount of ecstasy. I guess it’s like a from of masochistic punishment, I delight at my self imposed sentence, while lamenting at my own existence. The combination of despair, pain and release is too strong for me to stop. I suppose it’s fucked up in a way but my whole life has been fucked up so…yeah :/
I don’t cut to kill, just to release.
I’ve always kept my cutting private, do other people know about your ‘therapy’? SP doesn’t count 🙂
A few people know but not many. It’s just I don’t want people starting shit about it. I’m already the center of most drama
No I don’t think its weird at all, as it may sound strange to others that haven’t experinced this its a very natural reaction to pain and trauma. And your very right cutting is a coping meconizmum wether your attempting to stop ur emotional pain or punishing yourself. I too have cut,, in these moments I was hurting so much emotional as soon as I cut my brain focused fully on the physical pain in my wrist and my emotional pain lessened greatly. As I would sat there trying to cleaning the blood away and hide the bloody tissue I felt stupid and embarrassed.. But now I understand it more I know why I took that route and I don’t feel bad anymore, I know that the fact I even did somthing so extreme shows just how much pain I was already in. It means that it’s time to get some help, and help doesn’t mean ur weak it actually proves ur strong, strong enough to ask for it when most people can’t because the truth is we all need it and we all need each other, connection is what gives life purpose. I don’t know ur situation but if you don’t have much support this might be somthing making things much worse I know it was for me. I know talking things out won’t nessarly fix anything but it helps relieve and release pain which helps in healing, it sounds like u truly need to talk about what’s going on inside of you, start to let it out in healthy ways so you can heal. And like many people including myself when bad things happen to us it’s also perfectly natural to think ” did I do somthing to deserve this, is this my fault?” And blame urself, I’ve done it many times throughtout my life. But again talking these thing thru with another can help u discover what’s truly going on and help u to heal from this so you can then feel proud to throw away the razors and feel a sense of strength rather then shame.
What if help isn’t working though…?
Pretty sure cutting is addictive, due to the release of chemicals released in the brain. The first time I cut was during opiate withdrawals and it made me feel so good I did it for the next couple days. After realizing that having scars all over meant it would be awhile before I could show off my awesome muscles again, I decided to just go get high instead. That was like 8 years ago, don t do drugs lol.
I started smoking to try to stop lol
i started smoking to cope with a terrible job to pay off some debts… ended up spending the money needed to be saved. on smokes.. never got out of debt and still work that terrible job.. viscous cycle.. i highly recommend you do not smoke anymore before it becomes detrimental.. as it has to me.
what is causing you to cut? i mean… what lingers in your mind to make you depressed enough to cut?
As it was explained to me cutting releases endorphins (kinda like cocaine) in the brain. I was told that is why cutting is addictive.
I didn’t use razor blades to cut, I used my hunting knife to do the cutting. It wasn’t about bleeding, but about inflecting pain. I didn’t / don’t know how to handle the emotional pain I’m going through, but I know how to deal with the physical pain.
I lost my purse in school with my razor and cigarettes in it.. There is a 90% my name was in my purse…
But I started because my “best friend” in sixth grade always called me a whore and a slut ( I know stupid reason) but it seemed important back then.. I guess I kinda got semi addicted to it. Like now it’s just whenever I get the urge to of when I get slightly upset
I don’t think you’re a whore or slut, maybe it’s the guys taking advantage of you.
Unfortunately, the only way for some people to feel better is to be mean to others
Careful of those “friends”, they will get you into trouble. There will always be the evil friends and the good friends.. if you hang out with the evil ones, you will sublimely copy their bad habits.. and lead you down a dark path. If you stay with the good ones, their energy will give you the good habits and live a happy successful life. Cigs will keep you broke, instead of buying healthy food or saving up for a nice dress.. it will go to cigs.. which kills you lol resist it while your young sweet heart!!!
I have a lot of evil friends. Like 90% of them constantly put me down. And I know smoking is bad. It’s just so relaxing.
There’s your first step. Find a way to separate yourself from those types of people.
As for the smoking (if it’s not pot), you might think about trying an e – cigarette. If you could quit that would be the best.
oh the cutting began in grade 6, wow sorry to hear that.. that is very young to be doing that. It feels weird thinking about when I was that young, its like I was never in control, watever happened happened.. but I was lucky things turned out okay. Things were great til i turned 18.. I started smoking pot.. wow did that ever ruin me for the future.. dont do drugs watever your evil friends tell you, it lets the demons play with your head and destroy your life..
what country do you live in? im in canada
Yeahh it is young. And my friend wants me to try pot.
I’m in USA
the best thing you can do at your age honestly is learn, do well in school, find out what you want to do as a career for your life. because no matter what, we all have to work eventually, and if you dont plan ahead you could be stuck at walmart or some crappy job for years when your older. education will help you be happy, helps you solve problems and get a career you enjoy. cause everyone needs money, might as well enjoy getting it.. but it takes education to get it… sigh, pot and xtc at your age changed me for the worst.. i wish i could go back and never do them.. why do u think im on this website? at age 31? lol brain dead.. but we have so much potential and opportunities.. dont let yours slip away.. because life can be shitty, and never ever get better.. if you let it get that far… your only a teenage and young adult once, take advantage of having your parents shelter and feed you to get a good education. if you let that time slip away… youll never be able to get it back cause you will have to pay rent and food… so plz, focus on future career. 🙂
Okay thank you!!!!