I guess this is the way I do it:
1. Push everyone away from me because I don’t deserve their love. I’m too unworthy for it.
2. Run into someplace where no one can find you and have no ways of contacting you. i.e., isolate yourself. Keep your phone somewhere and try to forget about it. Or switch it to Airplane mode. Yeah.
3. Hide. Remain in your bubble. A quiet bubble floating in the sea of noises.
So much for trying to distract yourself from the truth. So much for trying to forget and run away from it. So much for trying to create excuses.
Stop trying to pretend.
Hah. And to think that Honesty is the best policy.
2 comments
This is exactly how I feel. I’ve been running. I’ve remained in my bubble and floated in the sea of noises. I’ve run from the truth for years now only to realize its impossible.
But the new idea I’ve been toying with is why do I prefer truth to untruth? Isn’t falsity just as real as truth? Is there some reason that the truth is more valuable than the false? Idk, maybe I’m trying to find safety in untruth, because most people expect that there is safety in the truth, only, I can;t find it there. Maybe you can find some solace in untruth. Idk. Maybe try thinking about how untruth is just as real as truth, just as valuable. Maybe you can find something there. Maybe you can cope with the atrocity of the truth, if you come to realize that the false is a mediator, a balancer. It’s okay if you can’t cope with the truth, because there’s possiblity to cope with the untruth.
All too familiar with this 🙁