Hi ,
I’m new on here and I thought I would try this out since most days nothing else seems to really help. My boyfriend doesn’t know how to handle my episodes , on the bad days. I know he tries the best he can to help me.. but its more complicated then that . I feel like my friends have given up on me, all they care about is partying and there lives are just moving on while I sit here in my apartment trying to fight through my depression. I don’t want to tell them what I’m thinking or feeling because I don’t want there sympathy.. I just want someone to ask me how I’m feeling or how I’m doing at least. I have this condition called vasovagal syncope, it causes me to faint randomly.. and a lot. My friends know this .. yet no one asks me how I’m doing anymore or how I’m feeling. I’m just stuck in my apartment all the time because I can’t go out by myself. It sounds stupid but it has affected my entire life. I’ve basically lost my job , well I’m on unpaid sick leave. I have no money and my boyfriend helps me out the best he can but there is only so much he can do. I feel lost and alone. I feel like dying most days .. I don’t want to get out of bed. Its not always like this .. some days I feel happy but sometimes a switch turns on and I just feel like I’m drowning. I feel like I’ll never be above water again. I can usually fight through the depression but to be honest the only thing that stops me from doing it .. is worrying about going through any pain while I’m dying. I don’t want to feel it. Its so sad that my life has come to this.
2 comments
Hey K92. Vasovagal syncope…I’ve never heard of that before. Boy that sounds tough, I guess it would affect many aspects of your life. It’s great though that you have a boyfriend. It can be tough for you and it can be tough for him too. I hope you keep at it with your relationship cuz that sounds like a big bright spot in your life. Let us know how your getting on, we’re interested 🙂
Well I am gald you came here to chat. Chatting about your issues might bring some relief. Even if its just to vent. Sometimes venting brings a kind of release and you also might get some advice here from people who know something about what your going through.
I have never heard of that condition that you have but I am sure its difficult to deal with. I have my own disailities and its a challenge daily for me to get buy. In fact I really cant get buy on my own I need help from family. Lukliy I have family that can help me some. I know how you feel when your sufffering inwardly and otherwise and others (even friends) dont know what your deaing with. They dont understand how you feel. That is rough. I have had to deal with similar feelings for much of my life. Trying hard to fit in. But I cearly have disability issues and sometimes low self esteem that goes along with it. Well I am glad that your boyfriend is trying to help you. that is good. DO you have anybody else you could go to for help? Family or a mentor or something. Now. Im just going to put this out there. TRY to remain optimistic!
Try to believe that things can get better for you. Have you tried to see a Psych doctor? I have a psyciatrst I see and I am on meds for depression and anxiety and it does in fact help a whole lot. Meds are not the solution to all our probems but they can help a lot. They can take away some of the hurt, the hopless feelings that you might have from time to time then your mind can get clearer and youll be able to function better and be able to make clearer descisions about your life. As far as the friends out partying. Yeah, thats pretty common. I have friends and thats all they want to do is drink and party and well I have had my share in that a long time ago and occasionally I do a little partying these days…. but too much of that. Alcohol and drugs and stuff that people do can make matters worse at times. Like people reach out for a vice to fill a void but they are actually just numbing themsleves temorarily and then well they wind up finding out real problems really arent solved just buy partying all the time then the partying can catch up to you and start to cause more probems…. like hangovers and addictions and so forth.
So I applaud you for not giving into peer pressure to party in their way if its not rigt for you.
Try to get your mind off off suicide and start trying to find solutions to your issues.
One) if you have that condition and are unable to work you might qualify for disability help.
I dont now where you live but many places in the world do have programs to help people with dissabilitites if their disablity prevents them from maintaining employment.
There also might be lke a walk in clinic for mental health issue in your area or a Psychiatrist that can see you and treat you. I would look onine for such resources in your area.
Also you might want to read some books on the subject of overcoming depression and so forth. there are a lot of good books that I have read that have helped me to overcome real difficult issues. Depression and suicidal thoughts being part of that.
I know how you feel like youll never be above water. I have been there a number of times in my 40 plus years of life but I have always found a way to overcome. Thats why my handle is Overcomer. I was dealt a really bad hand in life that was not my choice. But I have found ways to get through my issues and have Joy and accomplishments and get past difficulties and living to tell about how you overcame. So believe; Just try really hard to believe that you can get through this.
It takes little steps.
If I knew where in the world you lived and your aprox age I might be able to find some resources to help you. Different communities have different types of help available and there is nothing wrong with getting help when you need it. I believe in Karma. The more good you do the more good you get back from life. thats why I try to help people. I also believe that the universe is designed to try and help us when we try to help ourselves too. Like when you take a few steps to seek help you might be surprised that you will find help out there and things will improve.
Also just a few things to put out there is try to take care of yourself. Like try to not just stay in bed all day. Get up. Eat a healthy meal then try to get some exercise. You will feel better > its always good to take care of yourself. Try to focus your mind on plans and steps you can take to make things better for yourself. You can do it.
and just forgive people who dont understand what you are going through.
try not to hold grudges against anybody who might have mocked you or put you down in anyway…or who have been incensitive to what your going through > they are just people that just dont understand. Dont let them drag you down.
Your a worthwhile person and things will get better for you little by little.
Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.
I know things will start getting better for you.
if you want to chat by email then upforever56@hushmail(dot)com