I’m sick of my life… It’s so boring… all magic that existed when I was a kid has now gone… magic turned into cynicism… society sucks… people just want what’s good for themselves, don’t care about others…
I’m a 30 year-old man living in Montréal, Québec, Canada…
I feel like my life means nothing, that I am not important to anyone. Last year, I stopped talking to most of my family because I was sick of being the last one of the family and being treated like I’m the last one in the family, even though I’m fuc***g 30 years old. I tend too much to rely on other’s opinions to define myself. Sick of it, but can’t do otherwise. I had a terrible semester this fall… I felt like I was the worst piece of sh** ever, that I was not able to do anything. I got bad grades, I’m still not sure if I succeeded or failed a certain class… I submitted some homework with some answers unanswered because I was terrified, just feeling like I was not able to answer them.. I even avoided doing homework because I was part of a team and felt like I wasn’t good enough for them, even though I know it’s not true.
A few days ago, I got a complaint at work because I pushed back an employee who came too close to me and touched me. I don’t like to be touched by strangers! She filled a complaint against me, EVEN THOUGH SHE TOLD ME IT WAS OK, THAT IT WAS SOLVED! My boss didn’t care… that stupid b***h from “work relationships” (no idea how to translate that from French) who kept telling me that pushing back someone is intolerable. Geez, I did not push her, I did not hurt her, I just wanted her NOT TO TOUCH ME!
Also, a few years ago, I told my best friend that I loved him as a lover. But stupid jerk, he replied that he * thought * that he preferred girls to men… Geez, he was about 25 years old… That was the most painful experience in my whole life. I really felt like he was the one and that he even sent me signs… which turned out to be nothing but “air”, if I may say so. I never fully recovered since that day… never felt I could love, or be loved again… just feel like I’m not good enough to be loved…
So, basically, I just feel like I’m worthless, and I’ve never, ever understood people when they say that every life matters. Come on, hypocrites, there are about 8 billions people on Earth, one less life won’t change a thing, except making a few people very sad. But I just don’t care.
If killing myself was to be truly successful and risk-free of missing it, I would be gone. But I’m so terrified of missing my great departure that I just don’t even try…
Anyone feeling like me?! I just feel so alone, no real friend to talk to anymore…
4 comments
I feel the same way! Life sucks! I can’t feel happy anymore. The only thing that brought me happiness was this guy that I am in love with… but he doesn’t feel the same way. I had a good job, but I lost it due to drugs. I think drugs are the only thing that makes me happy, but society won’t allow me to do them. I feel trapped. I hate this life. I’m just living so that my family won’t cry. I’m so sick of life. I want to be run over by a bus, this way people won’t suffer because I won’t have died from suicide. I hate life. I need out!!!
drugs, the root of all evil.. the forbidden fruit.. once tasted life becomes dark. thats whats holding you back, is those drugs.. it will keep on ruining your life as long as you do them. so until you quit for atleast a year.. you will feel this way, even worse. i couldnt quit smoking pot, life got worse every year i did it.. it brings more evil into our lives.. its like, drugs are demons, once you take them they enter you and rain havoc. you will venture farther away from blessings and continue to make devastating mistakes that affect you, your family and friends.. until one day your sick, homeless.. and dead.
I know its difficult but try to look at the big picture. Try to find the things that make you happy that you would miss if you were gone. Small things especially. You can use these feelings you have as a sign to modify your life and not to end it. Ultimately it is up to you to live a free and happy life (and one day meet the man of your dreams). Hang on and fight through this challenge life has given you and come out better for nobodys perfect and everyones broken. I know it doesnt mean much but I believe in you. Go with your heart. Small changes my friend.
Going out on a limb that you’re not a very empathetic person. If you want to find love, you have to try seeing things from other people’s point of view, only then will you find a connection.
1. It doesn’t matter if your employee was not hurt when you pushed her. I understand that you don’t like to be touched, but most people also don’t like to be pushed. So just because she did something that makes you uncomfortable is no justification for doing something that makes her uncomfortable. I understand you are angry, but if someone complains about you, you should probably take it as an opportunity to reflect on how you could improve.
2. If your friend prefers women to men, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s bad luck for you, but you can’t expect anyone to change their sexual preference. How would you feel if someone you didn’t love DEMANDED your love? It’s a pretty unfair ask, and you should respect other people’s boundaries.