I think if I were to kill myself people would just expect it from me now. It’s just so odd having a bunch of people you considered best friends for years only see you as a friend if anything, and it really feels forced and you can tell and it makes your heart beat fast and your hands shake when you think about it too much, that as soon as you leave you will be replaced. Maybe I was always meant to be lonely. Maybe it was always meant to be like this.
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It sounds as if you may have outgrown (sorry, a possible better term escapes me at the moment) those who you considered your best friends for so long. As human beings, we tend to evolve and that often includes new people becoming our closest friends and family members while others get cycled out and drift further apart. That may sound somewhat harsh, but it’s not intended to be – it’s just life much of the time.
It sounds as if you may need to expand your social circle and try to meet new people if you are lonely. Either that, or perhaps try and pinpoint what it is that caused this rift you feel is there between you and your friends and address it the best way you deem how.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)