Hey there. So, I’m back again on this website, for the third time. Three major bouts of suicidal thoughts and depression. But that’s besides the point. Earlier this year, I began my freshman year of high school, and with it, the best years of my life, as I have been told so many times. Unfortunately, that promise is not living up to expectations. I was placed into a college preparation program by my middle school teachers, though I decided not to sign up for it last year because I didn’t want to have too much on my plate. Additionally, at the start of the year, I joined the AP Human Geography class, thinking I could keep up with it. A few weeks later, I quickly realised that, I, in fact, could not. My grades dipped to Cs, Ds, and Fs. My biology teacher wouldn’t let me go to the district swim meet because of my grade in her class, which inevitably led to me placing just a few more scars on my hips. My report card was utter garbage, and I opted not to even show my parents. I’ve been trying to do better this quarter, to no avail. I have Ds and Fs in many of my classes, and the end of the quarter is drawing near. I have already surely failed my Biology class, and the rest of my classes aren’t looking too hot, either. It is beginning to become apparent that I am just another fucking drain on society, I am too stupid and lazy to have a real future. I have been tested and certified as gifted, I’ve been an exceptional student for much of my life, and I’m improving rapidly as a competitive swimmer. However, my swim practice takes about three hours of my schedule every day. My grandpa in Russia would like to start a business with me some day, as he is a very influential man, once being a Colonel in the KGB and owning approximately half of the Soviet Union’s hospitals in the early 1990s. He would fucking disown me if he saw what I’ve grown up to be. I’m useless, and there is no way I could make my way into a good college or even a job that pays well at this state. No job, and no college would want a lazy slacker such as I.
I can feel my future slipping away like sand between my fingers.