Attention. Attention is my best friend. It always has been. At the age of 6 till the age I left primairy school I would trip myself up on purpose, getting massive cuts all over myself. Just so I could get attention. Just so I could feel sympathy from others. So that people would care. From the age of 13 till now I would go on online chat rooms, I would video chat with strange men I didn’t know. Video chat with them and do whatever they told me to. I would get undressed in front of strange men online at the age of 13. From then onwards I began to chat to men online. On any app or website I could, to send explicit pictures of myself. Just so I could get attention. Just so I could hear people say nice things about me, about my body.
This is so wrong. Why do I feel like this? Why can’t I stop craving this attention? Where did this need for attention even come from? I was always the main attention at home being the youngest child with the age gaps from 9 years to 13 years. So why do I need this bad attention? Why can’t I stop doing this to myself? I only end up hurting those around me.
2 comments
Honestly it sounds like a cry for help. You may have an undiagnosed mental health disorder. It also sounds like you have really bad self esteem and acting out is a way to feel better about yourself. Like people that self harm, this is your version of self harming. Another thought us that maybe hurting your family, it could be a way of getting your way.
Those are just my personal thoughts. No offence if I said anything offensive in very sorry.
you didn’t offend me its ok. thank you for replying.
My family life was fine though I always got the attention as I was the youngest and everything so I don’t know why I wanted attention from such a young age. But now I guess I do have low self esteem but I don’t know if that’s why I send the pictures and stuff.:/ and I self harm as well so maybe its all part of the cry for help.