I just wish I could not be scared

My mom died just a couple of months ago in October. She was my best friend. I don’t have any other friends. Her absence leaves me feeling very alone in this world. I’ve been married for 12.5 years to someone who doesn’t seem to love me and it finally seems to be falling apart now. I need my mom more than ever. My oldest brother finds nothing but disappointment in me. My other brother would screw me over for an opportunity to help himself and his family. The only person on this earth now who loves me and would miss me is my teenage son. My husband’s family never gave me a chance…just didn’t like me for no reason and always are trying to hurt me or split us up. My father killed himself when I was young, but I barely knew him since my mom had to leave him because he was abusive. The little I did interact with him was unpleasant and he touched me inappropriately which led me to become angry and throw things at him and tell my mom. I was raised mostly by my stepdad who tried but didn’t know how to be a parent. But he was murdered a few years ago. No one else was a part of my life. I got married young and it ended in divorce then I remarried but found that this husband never really lived me and grew to like me less and less over the years. Now we are barely even speaking. I want to leave this world, but I don’t want to hurt my son or ruin his life and I’m afraid of screwing up and having to live but be a vegetable or something. Everyone says this will pass, but things have only gotten progressively worse over the years and I don’t want to try to start over. Who would want me now?  I don’t even like myself.