Does anyone else just get really frustrated with people who think they are helping you? The ones that constantly compliment you? Because they have this naive delusion that if they just keep saying it over and over again, somehow it will change how you think about yourself? The compliments are just awkward aren’t they? When what you believe is the exact opposite of what they are saying? You know they are trying to be nice, and they are trying to help. but it just makes you feel uncomfortable and its annoying and you wish they would stop and you hate hearing it because it feels like a mockery when you believe the exact opposite. Like you just want to scream at them to shut the hell up about it. Look I think I am a worthless, hopeless, loser and no matter how many times you say anything else it doesn’t change what I think. You saying the opposite all the time is going to do nothing but frustrate you and me both. Like then they actually end up getting mad at you for still thinking the same thing you always felt. Like it is some insult to them that a few compliments from them wasn’t enough to change your mind. Wasn’t enough to fix the negative self image and thought patterns that you have built up over the course of a lifetime. You have to hear things like “stop calling yourself a loser I have told you a hundred times you aren’t a loser” yea well the little voice in my head has said a million times that I am. So that is what I am going to believe.
Or the people that get mad that you can still somehow be depressed and fucked up even with them in your life? Like they somehow believe that just their presence should be some magical cure all elixir. Like you get in a relationship with someone and they say things like “how can you still be depressed, you have me now, we are together, isn’t that enough for you, you should be happy” Like they take it personally. That they somehow weren’t enough to fix all the broken parts of your life. Yea its nice having someone nice being with someone but it doesn’t just magically fix all the messed up things that shattered you into a million pieces before they came along.
People are just frustrating, they take everything personally. Yea I get it they are trying to fix me, they want to help, they are putting effort into making me feel better. So when it doesn’t work they feel like they wasted all their time and effort. They resent that. It makes them feel like they failed. Or they end up blaming me for it. Like they feel like they did enough to fix me so if it didn’t work it was my fault. That I didn’t want to be fixed, that they were trying but I wasn’t. Not even really sure what the point of this rant is lol other than that people with good intentions can sometimes make you feel even worse just by trying to make you feel better.
2 comments
Interesting post twilghttimes. I’ve been thinking a lot about this looser thing. It’s damn hard when people don’t let you win. God I was there for many people and didn’t undermine them. I wanted them to thrive shame they didn’t…with the exception of my partner who I think was trying but doubted me and he didn’t need to…I knew I’d end up a looser again if he didn’t believe me yet I was proving myself cuz I really wanted to. I don’t know what to do. It’s hard when you know you can do it but others think you can’t I’ve had that so many times and I think hang on. So many times I gave up. I thought what’s the point they’ll do whatever they like to me. My partner though I was really committed to it, wanted it truly, I didn’t want to give up and didn’t want him to. So I don’t know. I never lied to him not once.
its different when you mean the compliments though. its different when you see the truth inside that fuckin person and they refuse to feel your love. its different. its different when… you see them the way they should see themselves so it does get fuckin frustrating for both parties. but thats humanity for ya