BPD etc

I was just wondering is there anybody else who has experience/ has BPD I was recently diagnosed with it, even though in my chart in the hospital it was recorded 5 years ago but to my knowledge I was never made aware of it. about a month ago my stress levels were through the roof leading to a lot of self harm and suicidal thoughts, I was also abused as a child both sexually and physically so my intrusive thoughts were quite graphic and vivid. this lead to my dissociating and basically i lost my emotions or any i did have were warped i left my girlfriend who was like my soul mate and went off with another woman with no compassion or remorse, then one day all my emotions started coming back and i didn’t even know what was going on what i had just done or why. Now we are talking again and working things out as she is a nurse and as soon as this happened she was convinced it was BPD. but every time we talk about what i did or what happened to me or if there is an argument my emotions go from calm to i want to die, even to the point where i read up on the easiest was to kill yourself, i ended up punching myself so hard i got dizzy and its getting to the point were i feel like this will get me in the end that one day i will just end it all, I have tried before and was very lucky to survive but its just getting to the point where it feels unbearable.