people think that i can always handle their words well guess whati fuckn cant . i cant handle people calling me fat worthless stupid ugly or them tell me you should die nobody wants you here nobody will miss you if you are gone no one will care . it gets to be to much . i cant handle this anymore i just want to forget everything the pain everything . i dont get why people think its okay to do that to me or others . ive lost so many people .. its been five years since my bestfriend killed herself for the same thing . she wouldve been in ninth grade with me and she would been there for me but NO SHE IS FUCKN DEAD BC OF IGNORANT ASSHOLES. what the hell did she ever do . she was the nicest,most polite and loveling and friendliest person ever she didnt deserve to die or get bullied BUT NO THEY BULLIED HER TO DEATH TO WHERE SHE TOOK HER OWN LIFE . now she is dead and im the one who found her laying on the floor dying i held her in my arms and watched her slowly die and she wants me happy but how the hell can i be happy when she isnt here or the fact i may lose the girl im so fuckn crazy about i fuckn love her so much but i may lose her soon bc of me wanting to cut bc of my past . i was molested by my grandpa 5 times in three years he told i couldnt tell anyone or he would hurt me … so i didnt but it is very hard…. i dont want to remember the pain i went thru in fourth grade when i found my best friend i dont want to remember the pain i went thru 5-8th grade …. i use to weight 140 n now i lost 110 and im underweight bc i starved myself for people to like me and they still hated me .. idk why i even bother anymore….
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First I’d like to say I am so sorry for your loss. I understand the hate that build up inside when a friend commits suicide from terrible people bullying and tearing your friend apart. People like that are awful. They don’t care about how they hurt others because hey better you than them right? Why the hell should they have to deal with everything they hate and face their own insecurities when they could tear someone else apart? There are people who cope with their situations by ruining other people to make sure someone has it worse than they do. They want to feel strong.
But you should know that you are stronger than any of them ever will be. It takes a lot to be able to still push through after everything you have been through. To make it far enough and then be overwhelmed by the pain is a terrible feeling. You don’t want to feel it anymore. It consumes you and takes over everything else in your life and there is nothing positive anymore. I just hope that you continue to fight. Your friend wanted you to b happy so you at least have to try, for her. Don’t let her death be in vain. And that is why you bother. And you have someone you love, someone to fight through everything for. A light at the end of your tunnel. Pain fades and love helps that. Ignore all of these things people sat because none of them are true. They are just words and they don’t define you. You aren’t any less worthy because the say so. You will be missed. You are important. You are not worthless, fat, stupid or ugly. You are loved. You can fight through this for everything positive in your life. Your friend would want you to do what she couldn’t. You can prove all of these terrible people that you have encountered that are wrong and show them how strong you really are. I hope you can see better days are just ahead. Please take care of yourself cause you deserve the life that is still in front of you. You deserve happiness.
So sorry to read about your best friend. I am glad she had you there in the last moments. So much for you to handle when you are so young. Even, so I want to say I think we discredit young people such as you. You are strong, maybe you don’t feel strong, that doesn’t change that you are. Hold on and keep searching for what you need.
Here is a quote about hope… which may feel very far away but keep reaching for it…
Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.
Desmond Tutu
Never give up hope. You have wisdom getting through this pain and suffering that we , the world needs. Hold on, please. Don’t hurt you. ((((depressed_chick101 ))))