I thought I was okay today. But the darkness brings bad memories. I can still feel their hands all over me. I feel like I can’t breathe and the voice inside my head is telling me I shouldn’t be.
Just please someone tell me how to make it all stop. How do I not feel them all over me? How do I push away the voice? How do I learn to not fear the darkness?
I swear I want to live. But I can’t live if I am going to be this mess forever………
Can anybody tell me something the makes me feel like there is still hope?!
Just help me….. Anybody….. Please……
9 comments
I’m trying to figure out the same answer.. Only mine isn’t a “their” it’s a “him” just one.. I’m sorry yours has to be plural.. Hopefully someday well find answers but for now I guess were stuck in misery and agony
I wouldn’t wish this pain and heart shattering misery on anyone and I am so beyond sorry it happened to you to. I hope you find your answers soon. I understand your story. And please don’t think that just because it was one guy with you that it is any less traumatic. I know the second that you realize what is happening to you, you break and you just enter the world of pain the second he touches you. I don’t know if it will help you but I was always told to remember it wasn’t your fault. I still blame myself sometimes but it is true.
Trust me it is beyond how ever fucked up you think it is. But thank you. Really. I did need to hear that.
You are right too. The night time is that absolute worst.
Well thank you. That is a lot more than other people would dare to say. I hope I will be able to tell you something positive the next time you need to hear it.
I’m very sorry you are in so much anguish. I admittedly cannot relate to what you spoke of, but I can only imagine how difficult it must be to try and live your life with such horrid memories.
It’s hard for someone like me to offer any type of suggestions on how to deal with something like this, but I would hope that there may be some methods that a therapist could suggest to help you try and cope. In any event, I wish you the best.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
Some days are surprisingly easier than others. But therapists have never been able to help me. I refuse to see another one again. I am pretty sure I am even more fucked up from my therapist experiences.
But thank you for the positive wishes.
Putting yourself back together isn’t easy. You find out who you are during times of suffering, but if you can survive and recover, you will feel proud rather than ashamed.
Everyone has 24 hours. Avoid wasting time thinking about and reliving the pass. Acknowledge it happened and carry on. Let it go, release the hurt.
It is too hard to let go when you feel like it defines you. I am haunted by the memories and when I don’t end up thinking of everything on my own I get nightmares or flashbacks. It is not always my choice to not think about it. trust me I don’t always willingly waste time on the past. but I can’t escape it. And I doubt I will ever be able to put myself back together. I am too shattered and scarred.
I believe in you. You have to believe in yourself too. That’s essential. That awful experience hurt and changed you, but it’s not your fault. You’re still amazing and are entitled to a happy, mediocre life like the rest of us.