I’m so sorry mom, I betrayed you numerous times. But this time, I am deeply sorry. Besides all the medicine, I really don’t know why I’m so fucked up .. I lied about that vape pen . It is mine . I lied about the wine. I did drink it all . Do I regret it ? YES . Would I take it all back ? YES . Sometimes I think of why I’m still living . You yell at me and tell me to pack my things and move to my dads . Well you know I wont . You know I hate my dad . He is a bad man . Anyway I am 4 days clean … I wonder if Im not good enough in this world . If Im too weak enough to survive . People at my school treat me like I’m a piece of trash . I got my haircut really short , they called me names . Names that still haunt me . Called me a lesbian . Now the weird thing is , they know I’m not . They know I’m straight . But why say it ? I’ve been bullied my entire life . I don’t know what else to do … Should I just call it quits ? Should I just forgive ? Should I just forget it and move on like it never meant anything ? Should I just live with my dad that treats me like garbage ? What if I just stopped living ? Would people think of me differently ? Would people call me a quitter ? I’m just done trying to live a life I can no longer be happy . All I do is try and make people like me, it all just doesn’t work . I just don’t know what to do anymore . I would commit , but I’m too much of a coward . I’ve tried , I don’t think I could live with myself . I overthink to much If you could already tell . Just spitting out words as I go , but you know what ? It’s just the way I am . I don’t even think people will see this . I don’t even know how I ended up on this site . I googled “Why am I so f***ed up.” Anyway I just want to know if I should keep my life going or just stop now…
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3 comments
First, grats on 4 days clean. Second, yes you should keep going. What if you wrote a letter like this and gave it to your mom? Is it possible to change schools or try correspondence in order to escape the bullying? Is there someone you can talk to like a counsellor? Maybe your family dr? The dr has to keep what you tell him private, he cant tell your mom unless you bring up suicide and he feels you need the hospital. But if just go and talk about bad things are otherwise he might have advice. And this site is great for venting on those days you feel bad.
I feel you I don’t know currently feel lesbian I’m suicidal people used to say bad things but don’t worry it’ll get better I had a girlfriend we broke up it hurt I feel so lonely and depressed I want to die
I hate seeing when people are bullied. I went through a decade of teasing, having stuff thrown at me (sometimes until I bled), or just being fucked with because I was an easy target. I remember it so well. It still hurts sometimes. It still affects me. In my case, most of the things they told me turned out to be true though.
Don’t just wilt and take it. Be strong and stand up for yourself. I’m not saying that you should get into fights, but don’t show that they are getting to you and maybe they will tire of it. I hope they do. I don’t want anyone to feel like this.