Hello everyone. I am here to ask for your council. All I want to do is die. Today, I have the means to possibly accomplish this but I don’t know if I should try. There are so many factors. First problem is, I’m supposed to work tonight and all weekend. If I carry out my plan, if I were to fail, I’d be completely out of it for days. That’s another problem; failing. If I fail I’d be sent to a behavioral health unit. There are two reasons I don’t want this. One: I’ve been in them before and they don’t work (plus I work at one ironically and know that it wouldn’t help someone like me) and two: I’m supposed to start orientation for my new job on Monday. There’s no way they’d release me by Monday if I were to be sent even tonight. But then again, I might be moving to a new state within a month anyway so it might not matter. See? Factors. Now I know you’re all going to say “don’t do it” because most people don’t encourage suicide, but I have been so unhappy for a very long time. I have had severe depression since I was a young child. For 11 years I have dealt with this (not for lack of trying to kill myself). This isn’t a spur of the moment decision, this is an everyday struggle and decision I make. The only reason I haven’t tried to kill myself recently is because I lacked a plan, but now I have one. So I’m not sure what I want to do. I’m thinking hard because if I fail, I could really fuck things up for myself and make my life worse. But I’m also thinking I really don’t care. So…what do you guys think?
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6 comments
YouTube the video ‘song about Nia Glassie’. Can you bear to watch it all..? The video will unfreeze anyone’s heart.
In the ends it really depends on what you really want to do. If you’ve tried everything and exhausted every option then i wouldn’t have an argument to try to stop you, but if you say yourself you might fail and end up on a health unit… maybe it’s best to wait for another time when you are sure you want to do it and have a pretty much 100% method.
I know this might sound like it won’t work (and it usually doesn’t) but maybe your new work, or moving next month can end up helping a bit? i wish you good luck with whatever you decide.
Thank you for the response. I have decided to go ahead and try it, but I have set up precautions so if it doesn’t work, I shouldn’t get caught. At least I hope not. Thank you for your kind words.
Hi JL, you may have already made up your mind, but if it’s not too late I’d suggest you put it off for 1 week.
The reason I’m saying that is because it sounds like it’s a sudden opportunity that’s making you consider it right now. I know you’ve thought about it for a long time and I won’t try to talk you out of the idea. But I’m just thinking you should come up with a definite plan, then wait at least a week to be sure you’re ready.
I keep thinking of the way I’d be if I got a gun. I would be really tempted to use it right away. But the right thing to do would be wait, get everything in order, tie up loose ends and THEN do it because the time is right.
That’s what I’m thinking at least. Of course I’m probably not as determined as you are, so it could be completely different for you. Either way, I hope everything works out the way you want it.
i think you need to share your plan first just to make sure you didn’t over look something because you’re right about one thing- if you don’t pull it off- things will be so much worse!!
Thanks everyone for the replies. I was very careful in my attempt today. The first step required taking pills. I simply did not take enough of them so step two of my plan failed. But I will not give up. As suggested, I shall wait a week and maybe try again. Thanks again for the support.