I’m sorry you are going through a really hard time right now. I read what you say about your father and then, about how you are a bad guy. Can you see how your dad started that feeling and it is not your true self? We all do things that make us a “bad guy” of life. But in reality those bad things mean we were behaving badly and NOT that we are a bad guy. Please hear me when I say the fact you don’t like how you’ve acted is the start of a better Alek.
I hear your sorrow for being so sad and hopeless. I am the same many times. It makes it hard to think clearly. In other words, this feeling is partly (and I know there are many factors besides) is because of your depression. While knowing that doesn’t stop the feelings, nor fix your depression but still- recognizing how your depression can make you feel may help you cope in the moment.
The depression is not you. Your depression is a reaction to situation(s) you are having a hard time dealing with. I do hope you find someone to talk to- a crisis line- google your city and crisis line to find one. Talking changes our brain waves, makes us feel better.
I know you said you weren’t looking for advice- but I see your suffering and I know how hard it is to do alone. You are not alone. We are here to listen.
Talk on!
2 comments
Dear Pretend Girl, thank you for your post, it makes me feel a bit better.
You know, my father might be one of the reasons for my actions, but i don’t want to use him as an excuse. I know i made so many mistakes and they’re just my fault, but maybe a true father could have helped me. I still have the scars of those mistakes, specially on my wrist, and sometimes i would cut myself again because it helps me, but i can’t. It’s a weakness, and i’m not weak. I did not killed myself yet, and i think i will not do it, even if that idea is still in my mind.
I’m sorry if my english is not perfect, but i’m italian and i learned english by my own.
I don’t want to bore you, therefore i’m not gonna say too much, but from the bottom of my heart i want to thank you. I don’t know you, and i’ll never know you, but i know you’re a good person. Thank you, my dear.
Hi Alec,
I hope you read this! You’re English is fine.And you can’t bore me! I am glad you are feeling better.
I do understand how you feel about not blaming your father. It isn’t about blame- it is about understanding how life influenced and affected you.
I am glad you are feeling less like dying. Don’t beat yourself up if the feelings come up. Work through them and come out of them stronger! Sometimes I wish my life was over. But I allow myself to feel the feelings (a harder said than done!) and I work through the feelings and come out a bit stronger.
Thanks for responding, making me feel special with your kind words and for listening to me. Sometimes that is the most important thing we need- someone to listen to us.
Hope your week is going well. Take great care of you!