I thought I was gone from this site, it’s been over a year. I thought things were looking up, but I’m still a failure. I thought I had already lost everything, but I’m about to lose more. I am so overwhelmed and hopeless. I have done everything I can do to build myself up, but it always comes back to this. I’m tired of feeling afraid all the time. I don’t really want to die, but I have exhausted all other options. It’s been so long, decades. There are people I love, far more than I love myself. So I keep on, keeping on. I can’t let them down. Will I ever let go of the guilt I feel knowing that deep down I hate them, because without them, I could just stop hurting.
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Hi Lost, I think I remember you from way back… but my dead memory cells play tricks on me too. Anyway, I know how it is to struggle your entire life only to get knocked down lower than where you started. Is suicide the answer? Well I guess it’s definitely 1 answer. Fighting back is another. Although sometimes we just get worn out. I dunno what I’m talking about but I hope at least you find 5 minutes of peace somewhere today.
Amen to what Salt said. I also thought that after not really writing for two months that i was finally getting relief. But it often comes back to this. Living means you always have something to lose so maybe it’s good to have that fear. IDK I’ve been watching a lot of Grey’s Anatomy.
Double hope for those 5 minutes.
The way I see it is as long as there is even one thing in the world you care about somehow something will try to come along and fuck it up. Good luck, sucks that you had to come back but at least you still have something to come back to.
Salt. I’m surprised that anyone would remember me. Thank you.