My life is a constant struggle for mediocrity. I feel like Sisyphus in a way. I constantly struggle to achieve anything in my life… but it never amounts to anything.
No matter how hard I try and scrabble out from under the rubble, it’s like my fingers get smacked down by a shovel, or run over by a mower… I can never dig my way out, never get free.
But at the same time, I can’t just do nothing either… if I just don’t try, I get burred down, covered more and more. Suffocating me until I have no choice but to suffocate or to lash out again.
In the end… I’m left struggling constantly as I try and just keep the dirt off. I can’t succeed at anything, no matter how hard I try. No matter how much I struggle, how well I prepare, I’m left stuck in mediocrity at best… any rise above is quickly bashed down at best… or allowed to rise a bit more before I am violently cast down even lower than I began.
Just giving up, letting myself drown and spiral out of control seems so much more appealing as time goes on.
2 comments
Wow, first of all you can write! Second, that is depression at it’s finest. Keep fighting. No matter how dark the night, the sun rises.
I know the Myth of Sisyphus well. It’s absurd to keep pushing that rock up the hill.
You don’t have to.
You don’t need to.
You don’t want to.
It sure as heck ain’t important.
Why are you fighting? DO you have something to prove to someone. You didn’t ASK for a life here. Whenever you’re ready, you have the freedom to leave. You just got to be brave enough to refuse the absurd. I believe I can do it. Countless others have, so why can’t you?
If you really want to suicide, I say go for it if that’s what your heart wants.
I believe in you.