my life….or atleast what is left of it

i was born on christmas eve along with my two twins.
My brother Luke and sister Christina.

We were always togheter and defended eachother.
our dad is an alcholic and our mom doesnt even care about us.
Our dad use to beat us a lot and I was probably the one that would get most injured.

When we were 5 my other sister Sara was borned.

When we were in kindergarten, we got bullied and even when we started going to school the bullying got even worse. We were living in croatia and to be honest bearly anyone cares about anyone there so no one ever helped us but we ourselves.

Then something happend; I’ve met someone. I’ve met him in second grade, he was a new student and he protected me and my siblings. His name was Michael

we all got close and became best friends. I also had a crush on him.

My dad still beated me, people still bullied me but there was those 5 minutes of a day I would spend with him and I lived for those five minutes.

I was happy but not enough to stop self harming.

Yes, you readed it right. I started to self harm at the age of eleven and my sister at the age of 13.

we went to the doctors and we realised we have dysthymia witch is very similar to depression.

After some time when I was 14 I started to date MIchael.
And when I was 15 his dad got a job in ireland and ofcourse he needed to leave.

It was hard. So hard. I knew I wanted to go with him and I did. I knew his parents. I knew him. But I also knew what was hapening at home.
My dad noticed how much do I care about Sara and he started to beat her when she was just ten. That was the time my brother found me bloody in the floor of the bathroom because i lost too much blood.

And at that point I was cutting myself with a razor for such a long time I barely felt it. And to make things even damn better I started to get bullied when I entered school in ireland.

One time….one of the boys..tried to rape me

Michael is going to another school and that night his school was finished earlier and he went to pick me up. So he saw. And after he saved me. Those guys send me glares very day, I am just wainting when are they gonna start beating me again.

Suprisingly, now I have friends.

A boy called Aiden and he is gay and his parents hate him and his dad also bats him. He also gets bullied and self harms.

His twin brother Arden has this illnes that makes him hyper all the time and he is really cute and stutters but his parents hate him too and he gets bullied too.

Their twin sister Hanna has anorexia and boulimia because se gets bullied and her parents also hate her she also self harms.

I made them all move to our house.

My other best friend Cheryl has a disorder that makes her body twich. She is depressed and also gets bullied.

My sister Sara is 12 now and she has been self harming for about half a year. She also has dysthymia.

My brother is probably the only normal one in the family but is still depressed because my sister Christina commited suicide on our birthday.

After that I tried to kiII myself twice.

I stabed myself and the other time I tried to hang myself. But all those times I was saved by either Arden, Aiden or Hanna.

Michael had to go on a trip with his parents and he is coming back tommorow.

He still doesn’t know that I self harm.
He only knows my sister commited suicide because she had dysthymia and that Aiden is gay.

Of my life….that’s all he knows.

I want to tell him but I know he will leave me and I don’t want that. I want him to accept me. To move to my school and defend me. Defend me, Aiden, Arden, Hanna and Cheryl.

But I know it’s never gonna happend because if I ever tell him he will just leave me.
And I don’t want that.

I want everything to be perfect.

My name is Katherine Black. I am an 17 year old teenage girl that has too many problems for you to even count.

Now that you know my story, please tell me how to make my life better. How to tell Michael everything.

please

help me