It takes awhile to get to know someone. In my previous 3 posts I have mentioned how I would like to die from autoerotic asphyxia. What I haven’t gotten into much is my personality exists of extreme fight and flight. There are a lot of times I feel intense hatred and rage towards the world and humanity in general. What I can’t really stand are people who have tried to shove conformity down my fucking throat! People just couldn’t mind their own fucking business, so they had to terrorize me and treat me like shit for being different! Is that going to make me embrace fucking scum like that? No fucking way! When I was in school, I was bullied and tormented by a bunch of weak-minded conformists pieces of fucking filth and bullying is allowed to exist in these schools by design as a way to destroy the lives of kids who are different and I am sick and tired of this fucking bullshit! Another thing that I am sick and tired of hearing people use this touchy feely shit by saying, “bullies have problems too.” Fuck Em! Because they have problems, then it’s OK for them to ruin someone’s lives and pick on people who are misunderstood? Saying that it’s OK for bullies to pick on people because they have problems makes about as much sense as saying that it’s OK for Jeffrey Dahmer to keep human body parts in his house because he feels lonely!
The thing that makes me feel better is back in the day, I was influenced by a lot cool punk rock and industrial bands that were popular in the 80s and the 90s, which is a lot better than most of the music that’s popular these days, which is a bunch of vile repulsive puke and vomit! The only new bands that I like these days are Combichrist and Aesthetic Perfection. Back in the day, I enjoyed listening to bands like Ministry, KMFDM, the Dead Kennedy’s and let’s not forget about GG Allin! There are people who say that GG Allin was the shit and I mean that literally! I am not going to go there, but look him up! The Sex Pistols said in one of their songs, “get pissed, destroy!” There should be songs about burning down the schools! Get rid of these mind-control conformists indoctrination shit centers! This is one of, if not the biggest cause of so many young people suffering from depression these days! Let’s create decent schools in which kids can get a real education! Then, we might have a higher percentage of halfway decent human beings in the world! This would also bring an end to bullying!
I also enjoyed listening to Wendy O Williams who was a very defiant punk rock star! Wendy O Williams got arrested by the fascist police because she masturbated with a sledgehammer while on stage! Most of the people in the audience seemed to enjoy it! Well, on April 6, 1998, Wendy O Williams decided to take her own life. In her suicide not she said, ” I don’t believe that people should take their own lives without deep and thoughtful reflection over a considerable period of time. I do believe strongly, however, that the right to do so is one of the most fundamental rights that anyone in a free society should have. For me, much of the world makes no sense, but my feelings about what I am doing ring loud and clear to an inner ear and a place where there is no self, only calm.” This world doesn’t make any sense, which is why I can’t stand it! I don’t agree with the part about “free society”! It doesn’t seem very free to me! If you are unsuccessful at a suicide attempt, they throw you into a psychiatric shithole against your will and treat you like a piece of fucking garbage, because they “care about you!” The difference between me and Wendy O Williams is I want to die from autoerotic asphyxia and she didn’t. Also, Wendy O Williams said that you must give it deep thought before making the decision. I have wanted to die since I was 10 years old, but with me those feelings are not continuous, which is similar to what bipolar people go through, but I’m not bipolar! Some people with Asperger’s have similar symptoms to being bipolar. When I get to look forward to doing something that I really enjoy, my whole world lights up! When I have to deal with things that I can’t stand, I wish that I was dead! Either way, it’s time to make punk rock a threat again! Not this watered down bullshit controlled by our corporate slave masturs!
I like to use comedy and a sense of humor with my writing. If I didn’t, I would have been dead a long time ago. I can’t wait until I die, but Mark Twain said there is no comedy in heaven, but I like comedy! I was put on this Earth to share my unique vision and ideas with the world, but I have extremely intense temptations and I may not be on this Earth much longer and there are so many times that I can’t wait and there is no cure for what I am into and the “mental health profession treatment” is worse than death! I mentioned how much hatred and rage I have at the world. Last week, while I was jerking off, I had was very tempted to put a belt around my neck and hang myself from the door, knowing that I would be at peace, if I could be successful at it. When I feel like hanging myself, I have such an intense feeling of extreme calm and it brings tears of joy to my eyes. Does anyone understand what this feels like? Only another person who is into aea will even come close to understanding exactly how I feel. My soul was probably never meant to experience hatred and rage, but to go through it for whatever reason? When I was a little kid, when I had full-blown autism (undiagnosed at the time!) I would walk around the house singing about love while I was in my own little world. Then people, including my parents tried to shove this conformist fucking bullshit down my fucking throat, which caused me to become very bitter and mean, yet my parents could never figure out why I had so much rage? If they had any common sense, they should have left me alone, but they were more on the side of the assholes who treated me like shit for being different! I don’t think being pissed off and full of rage is what my soul is about, but it is about a strong feeling of peace, which is probably what Wendy O Williams was about, but her music was fucking cool! I will get to join you and be with you Wendy someday along with all the other people who were misunderstood and fought against their oppressors, which is extremely important! Think about other people who have been fucked over and fought back, but they are no longer with us! They are my heroes!
1 comment
I am wondering if anyone has even heard of Wendy O Williams?