For all of my teenage years, I’ve been bullied, hated and downright depressed.
I am 19 now and have already lost all reasons for me to be on this planet. The only thing that was giving me any sense of purpose left me a couple of days ago, my girlfriend. However, this feeling has been going on for a much longer time. Only now do I wish I was killed by something.
So here I am walking around simply not caring if I were to be alive tomorrow or not. I have no job, I had been fired from my last one with no reason at all, I’m broke, I am horribly depressed and there’s just no point or reason for me to go on any further, I’m not a fighter, I don’t fight to live, I just exist.
I came to this website to see if there were any others like me, simply going on without any fears as I have been going by a “if one does not fear death, then what has he to fear?” Sort of mental state.
just earlier today I was almost run over by a car from a person carelessly not watching a crossing, I didn’t feel anything after it had happened, I just kept walking as an elderly man watched in shock. I don’t know what shocked him more, the fact he nearly saw someone get hit by a car or the fact I was ok with it.
well, I’m going to go to bed now as I’ve been up for hours reading other posts on here before creating my own account just a couple of minutes ago. Here’s hoping I don’t wake up.
4 comments
I wish I was like you. I’ve been wanting to off myself for a long time now. The PTSD, depression, anxiety, loneliness is all too much. I hate how cowardly I am. I hate being afraid. I have myself for being afraid.
Great, bad news… I woke up 🙁
I understand how you feel. I know that eventually I will die by my own hands. It is inevitable. But every day I wish that someone or something gets there first. It would take away that burden from me. Society would be more understanding.
Every day on the news they talk about someone that died who had so much to live for. All I can think of is this: why them and not me? Why can’t I get killed by a stray bullet or a drunk driver? Sad but true. When you lose your will to live, death is preferable to a lifetime of excruciating pain and unbearable anguish.
You’re exactly right, especially the part on why couldn’t it be you or I, the ones that want to die and not someone with a life worth living and even a loving family. I only wish that the best comes to you, my friend. Weather that be your life picking up and you starting to enjoy it, or that it will be the one way ticket off this hellish planet that is not through your own hands but instead a more “Accidental” means.