From a certain light I can imagine the numbness – the nothingness – as being peaceful. Relaxing almost. But in reality that’s not the case, you all know that’s not the case. Because when you’re in that state of mind, you are trapped between 4 walls that are closing in around you. At least that’s how it feels. Time passes and soon enough you’ll have to leave the (dis)comfort of your own bed, and go to work, school or university and pretend to be a civilised human being. Pretend that you aren’t entertaining those darker thoughts during every pause or break in your day. Pretend that those thoughts aren’t becoming more appealing and more frequent. Pretend to be normal.
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.”
I stay silent most of the time.
Sharing my stresses with somebody else is a scary prospect. Each time I let my worries pass through my lips I’ll be releasing them into the world, making them real. As long as I keep them swirling around in my head, they can’t hurt anybody else.
The biggest problem is my scattered mind. My thoughts are so quick and reckless, they crash into each other, breaking into chunks of seemingly meaningless debris. They form an emotion that I can’t quite describe because I don’t know the word that describes it. I don’t know if a word even exists that describes it, how could it? How could I translate the impulses in my brain into something else with equivalent meaning. Maybe I’m overcomplicating things, but that’s not to say these things aren’t complicated.
This post is not productive in the slightest, which annoys me. But hey, it fits in well with a lot of the other posts on here. I’m a hypocritical prick. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST FOLKS!