I just..I don’t quite know. I just need to write down my thoughts..Pointless thoughts, that will most likely be over-looked as my life mostly is.
I should probably start from the beginning. When it all began. When I first sank into depression.
5 Years ago, I used to have a friend named Jessica. We hung out all the time.. She was my best friend, we grew up together. One day she sends me this text..and I knew something was wrong. This damn text is engraved into my mind. “I’m sorry, for everything, Thank you so much for being my friend. I’ll see you soon…but not too soon. Goodbye.” Me, being the kind of friend I was, I rushed to her house and found her hanging from a rope.
Thats when it all started… 3/29/2010.
Going foward in time a few years, 2012.
I was in a new school, recently moved into high-school, it was strange, being with new people. I’ve managed to make a few friends, (Which is a first for me.), but as all thing do, that shortly turned sour. They gave me a false sense of security, Of friendship, I told them something about myself, that Not even my so called Parents knew. I say so called parents, because they really could care less what happens to me. Later that year, I go walk into the lunch room and see everyone staring at me. They all started laughing, teasing me, calling me name after name. I left soon after, ran through the halls towards the outside. Not long after, a few of them caught up with me and decided to get physical and started beating me up.
Not only am I getting bullied in school, but on top of that I’ve developed Night-terrors, and re-occuring nightmares. This has happened for many years now, I won’t get too in detail about the nightmares, because even to explain, it hurts. A few months after everyone found out, the beatings got worse. It became more and more frequent, till one day. I walk out of school, take the back way this time to avoid being beaten up again. Along the way home I hear someone walking behind me, I turn around and see the group of kids who always beat me up every day trailing me. They grabbed me, beat the crap out of me, only this time they didn’t stop. They tied me up to the top of a tree and left me there. Jumping foward a few years,
2014. Somehow, I managed to get a girlfriend. Imagine that. Her name was Niki. We went out for about 8 months, until one day I discovered something she’d been hiding from me. She had been cheating on me with my only remaining best friend. I was not so much furious, just, Extremely upset. I completely snapped, and ran off. I knew exactly what I would do, nothing would stop me this time. On 9/12/14, I attempted suicide By hanging and slitting my wrists. Me, never actually tying the rope before, I didn’t really know how to tie a good knot, so soon after starting, the rope came undone. I was passed out due to bloodloss and woke up later after. My parents were gone on vacation without me, so I had to patch up my own wrists and clean up the mess. From that day I knew I was disposable, that, I could just..be forgotten like that. That I didn’t really mean anything to anyone.
2015. This year, by far has been the worst. My family gave me up to my uncle. My uncle always hated me, He used to hit me when I was little when I made a mistake. I always knew I was a failure to my mom and dad, but I knew for sure I was a huge failure to my uncle. I’ve been living with my uncle for a few weeks now, and its been a living hell. Every day he screams at me, calling me worthless, and so much more. I’ll spare you the details, on my pointless story. Currently I’m recovering from a broken wrist, and a bruised rib. On top of it all, My uncle drinks as well, so he’s almost always drunk, and abuses me often.
As of right now, I have a new girlfriend named Lauren, Although, I don’t exactly think she truly loves me, due to my trust issues. But to be honest, I don’t know what to do. To give up on life, on everything, or to keep fighting this pointless battle that might just never get better.
Thanks for reading, I guess, That is if you enjoy the pointless rants of a pointless person.
~The Forgotten Ones
(We all get forgotten at one point, Some sooner then others. The promise of “I’ll never forget you” may stand as a shread of hope. But in reality, Its a promise that can never be kept. Everyone moves on, forgets, and continues with life.)
5 comments
Good luck.
Thanks, I guess, but I don’t think luck will help in this situation. I’m actually surprised anyone actually read this.
More than one person read this. I’m sorry about everything you’ve gone through. Wish i could give you some encouraging words but to be honest i’m at a really low point atm (worse than usual week, with today being the worst day). Sadly you are right tho, we all get forgotten eventually by most people, but there’s always an exception, even if you don’t know (or never find out) about it. In the end all we can do is have some kind of hope, right?
Its a tough world out there. Try to piece some hope that it will get better when you’re old enough to move out of your sad uncles life
This was a very sad story. I hope life will improve for you. You shouldn’t live with your uncle if he is abusive. Do you know anyone else who might take you in? If not, can you talk to someone in a position of authority who might be able to find you housing?
BTW, your uncle is taking out his own self-issues on you. YOU’RE not the failure; rather, he believes that he himself is a failure and sees you as an easy target to help invalidate his own problems. I’ve dealt with abusive relatives as well, and once I got older, I started pointing out how it wasn’t really my fault they were angry, that they were dealing with internal issues that had nothing to do with me. If you keep saying this to people they will eventually realize how you are right (even if it doesn’t always stop them from attacking you). Sure, you may have made a mistake… but does it give them the right to release all of their pent-up rage? Certainly not. (It’s always worse for a child or adolescent, as at least an adult can defend themselves.)
I also want to say that not everyone is forgotten. In the past I had spent a year of my life hanging out with someone who I considered of the best friends I’ve ever had (even though it was a brief friendship), and still think of as one of my favorite people, but haven’t seen or spoken to them since that time, five years ago. (It was an amiable parting; I moved away from the area.) Since that time I have thought of them often, wondering how they are and if they’re even still alive. I doubt I’ll ever see them again, but I will never forget them. Those who leave an impact on you, who were special to you… you’ll always carry their memory in your heart (even if your relationship ended on not so friendly terms). People can’t be replaced. Each human being is one of a kind (which is obvious if you get to know someone well).